America in Flames! Social Justice! Rioting! Covid-19! ANTIFA! Trump and Whitmer Blame Botendaddy! A 2.22 Mile Run.

I was trying to take a solitary shower deep in the bowels of the Utonic Manor 1910-era Country-Club style gym locker room shower stalls. Suddenly, I heard a voice.

Flashback

We had run down on the high-speed road of death 💀 at Extrême nautical noon. It was 82 degrees Fahrenheit.

I ran with Ramon, Revolutionary Blacquéz and the Park Ranger.

We ran down the highway, the protected lane was very thin at the start. Traffic exceeded 300mph.

Our mile splits were bad. We stopped at 2.22 miles because it was hit and humid and we thought they were going to tow the van.

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Extrême Highway 🛣 with tiny runner’s lane.

Fade back to real time.

“Botendaddy, your blog sucks because you have no con🏕 ⛺️ tent. It’s a bunch of mindless sexual raving about nothing. An amalgam of bad photography, 🏋️‍♀️ workout advice, bullshit war stories, silly literary reviews  and the rare occasional Americana story. Madre de Dios! You are the sexiest man alive! I can’t stand it! You sexual silver fox! Ah the taste if it!”

Shroake Ramon

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The wilderness

“Are you Fouw? You realize that we have like a half dozen separate shower 🚿 stalls here? You don’t need to be deep inside my stretched-out bleached spermatozoa-soaked anus. If you were any closer, we would be in a relationship.”

I Shroake

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The cliffs

“Oh is that how it must be! You are yum 😋!

Shroake The Park Ranger hidden in the mist.

”Are you Zhitay? How many people are in here? It’s one goddamned shower 🚿 stall?”

I Shroake

“At least four. Is that your massive oversized tasty oppressive devilish Easter Island 🗿 godhead Phallus  or are you just happy 😃 to see me?”

Shroake Revolutionary Blacquéz

”The key to any workout is knowing when to stop.

Schwarzenegger or maybe it was Columbu who once said that if you don’t feel it, leave the gym.

Today, I felt that slight hamstring strain so I cut back on my workout. Not a pull, but a slight strain.

I got through the Squats OK, but I toned it down in the deadlifts and cleans. I also cut sets and lightened your in the leg press, calf raises, leg curls and extensions.

By the way, I’m down two pounds so far on my diet. I’m just eating more fruit and vegetables and less Beetus.“

I Shroake

“Why doesn’t Botendaddy use wash 🧼 cloths? Who’s washing my Phallus? I can’t move in here.”

Shroake Revolutionary Blacquéz

”You guys are totally Fouw. Who’s washing my enormous old-man-public-swimming-pool testicles?”

I Shroake

“Let’s get in the in-ground Jacuzzi.”

Shroake Ramon.

”Iced Latte with 🍊 Orange?”

Peace be the Botendaddy

 

 

 

Starting a Diet today. America holds its breath for the scope of the drama! Trump Shocked! Biden Takes Vow of Silence!

Nothing special.

I follow this formula:

Month one:

Pick a calorie level below your basal calorie rate and stick to it. So if your basal is 2,200, you pick 2,100. If you do not pick a limit below your basal weight you will never lose weight.

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Ooh 😮! Metaphor!

Frustration sets in because people don’t understand the science. If you were eating 4,000 calories a day and then you cut to 2,000 you have made a major lifestyle change, but your weight may not go down. The reason could be because your basal rate is 1,900 so you need to be at 1,800 to lose any weight at all.

Never count exercise calories against your food consumption or it causes cheating.

Exercise does not help you lose weight.

But it’s good for your heart and lungs.

Exercise does not help you lose weight.

But it’s good for your joints and bone density.

Exercise does not help you lose weight.

But it’s good for your mental health.

Exercise does not help you lose weight.

Waking is actually the best exercise for weight loss and to avoid injury. Running is destructive for every ten pounds you are overweight.

Use an App like My Fitness Pal.

Weigh yourself every day when you wake up. Record your weight. Don’t worry about your daily weight, it will fluctuate wildly. Just worry about your weight every seventh day.

If you are not losing and you are counting your calories honestly, then once a week as needed, lower your calorie limit by 100 per day. If you are cheating on your calorie count, count honestly for one week, to see if it helps.

Count everything you consume, except water as it is zero calories.

Eat a balanced diet. There are no magic foods. It’s just bio-chemistry.

If you are making good progress, cheat once a week for one meal and only in moderation. If you are making slow progress, cheat once every two weeks for your mental health, but only for one meal. The rare cheat helps stir the metabolism.

Track your waist measurement with a soft measuring tape. Sometimes you don’t lose weight, but you lose bodyfat, so you can still see progress.

Thats what I’m going to do. If you are going to diet, talk to a licensed medical professional or dietician first.

 

America in Chaos Turns to Botendaddy Nixon for Calm Leadership, Raw Strength and Courage

“I saw many signs on the campaign trail. One of them was held up by a little girl. It said bring us together.”

”There is a Great Silent Majority.”

”We must screw our political enemies.”

”I am not a a crook.”

”They won’t have Botendaddy to kick around any more.”

”America’s College Bums.”

”Let me make one thing perfectly clear.”

“Hank is a fruit, the last six Roman Emperors were fruits.”

“Solutions are not the answer.”

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Botendaddy’s The One

“I know you think you believe you understand what you thought I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is exactly what I meant.“

“I was not put into this world to live up to your expectations and you were not put into this world to live up to mine, so you do your thing and I’ll do my thing and if by some chance we find each other, it’s groovy.”

Vote Botendaddy 2020! He will screw you!

 

 

 

Botendaddy Readership Collapses Amidst Rioting, Pandemic! Trump shocked! Recommends new Tanning Cream. Biden Dumbstruck!

“This is the worst blog ever. I mean it’s 2020, who is still blogging? You tried to re-home the Boten-Daughter and she’s an adult! Your Quinstigram, Qwitter and Quotube channels have collapsed under the crushing sexual weight of your hypocrisy! You are an idiot! This is bull 💩!“

Shroake the CEO 👩‍💼

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Froakulous Purple Sky

“‘ULTRA-MEGA-GIGA-MILLENIAL YAWN‘ 🥱! I downvote you! No likes! Doxxing, Brigading and Shitlording!”

(Subliminal Message: Read my goddamn blog and click like goddamn you! This is not a goddamned democracy! It is a Mussolini Social Republic!)

Shroake the Angry 😠 Online Social Justice Warrior Guy.

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The Rural Trail

The first mile was not bad, the fastest since mid-April.

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Burdtation

The second mile was also quite good.

“Botendaddy’s adult diaper is rancid.

How do you run in that yummy 😋 thing?”

Shroake the CEO

“I have massive adult diaper rash. But it is the price I must pay for diaperous Running.”

I Shroake

We turned around at the high-speed Frogger Road.

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The creek. (Pronounced Krah-nu-nu)

The next two miles were all uphill. The third mile was OK.

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The Trail

The 5k time was atrocious.

We had a passable four mile time.

”Look at my ass. It’s perfect!”

Shroake the CEO

”Yuck! A gross girly ass!”

Shroake the AOSJWG

“Put that firm tasty ass away! There’s kids out here!”

I Shroake

“Look at my anus it’s bleached.”

Shroake the AOSJWG

“Put away that stretched-out spermatozoa-soaked anus!”

I Shroake

“Ménage à Writer’s Workshop?”

Shroake the CEO

”Espresso with Zuccarria and lime?”

Peace be the Botendaddy

 

 

Preserving your Hamstrings and Fair Achilles Tendons in the Lower Body Workout. Trump shocked by CBD and Kratom! Biden dumbfounded!

I have severe hamstring problems.

I yes, I Don Quixote! I Chingachgook!

Also my ‘Fair Achilles‘.

The keys are form, stretching and stance.

On the squat, narrower stance. Feet only shoulder width apart. Bar low on the scapulae. Eyes up. Head up. No crap under the heels.

No incline on the treadmill. It’s tough on a weak Achilles.

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Micro-plates.

Feet planted flat, shoulder width apart and vertically centered on the leg press machine. This avoids awkward Achilles positioning.

Start light on each lower body exercise for months. Nothing heavy.

Stretch first! Light stretching, no straining or bouncing. At least fifteen minutes. Keep your legs warm. No shorts. I use light neoprene wraps.

Never do legs on the same day as upper body. Save your energy.

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Neoprene wrapper for Squats.

See a licensed medical 🏥 professional before working out. This works for me. I don’t know what will for you. Kids, you’re on your own.

I Shroake

“Readership has dropped to zero, you fat sexy muscular sweaty 🥵  freak! No one reads you shit-covered drivel! Taste the yum 😋! Look at my goddamned titties! This is not a joke! Are you even a f@&king man? Are you alive?! Look at my yummy 😋 tits, you misshapen freak! I need affection! I’m turning 28. I wasted my entire life. All I have is school and your shitty Writer’s Workshop. F@&k me, goddamn you! Make a noise like a man! Who’s gonna eat my goddamned pussy!”

Shroake Amaya 🇯🇵 🇨🇦 🦄 throwing open her zippered spandex shirt.

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Photo by samer daboul on Pexels.com

Botendaddy (breaking fourth wall) So, you know what you wanted me to do. Yes I thusly gefyckked her. Her shroakes of Extrême ecstasy echoed throughout Utonic Manor. I defiled her in every way unimaginable. She screamed at the top of her lungs.

”Listen everyone at Utonic Manor! Botendaddy is f@&king me into submission with his gigantic oversized freakishly huge Easter Island 🗿 godhead! I am marked with his DNA 🧬! I am Botendaddy’s b1tch!”

Shroake Amaya

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45 Pound Plates. No shitty metrics here.

Portesquieu, my erstwhile (no-one knows what the hell that means) Butler poked his head in.

“Is the Mademoiselle enjoying her stay?“

”Iced mocha with Gran Marnier?”

Peace be the Botendaddy

 

 

 

 

 

Combat Diaries 1: The Permethrin Incident – El Rumaiythah

“Now listen up, kids, these are real combat war stories. so there is a high likelihood of Extrême bullshit of the Pecos Bill variety. So if you young hornswogglin’ varmints will listen up, I’ve got me a story to tell.”

bunch of camels in desert dune
Photo by Nizam Abdul Latheef on Pexels.com

It was about a dozen years ago, somewhere south of Baghdad on some shitty dusty COP (Combat Outpost) (Should be Squadron Outpost goddamnit) of the glorious U.S. 1st Cavalry Division. I was a traveling vagabond, so I spent some time on many a small base.

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Photo by Egor Kamelev on Pexels.com

There was nowhere to sleep 😴 so like an idiot, I slept on some abandoned mattress remnant in the bottom of an old cement silo. Turns out it was filled with lice-tick-mite-crab-thingys. I was literally (literally) covered head to toe with some kind of burrowing god-knows-what.

Eventually, I got back to my major base in Ur of the Chaldeans. No really. Ur. I went to our docs and they gave me Permethrin cream.

I go back to my CHU (Compartmentalized Housing Unit – a shitty trailer) and I proceeded to cover myself entirely with the white cream.

I was totally naked in my CHU and someone unlocks the door. I grab my rifle. Now I am painted totally white like some Apocalypse Now character and I am hanging high scrotum.

I’m like: “what the fuck are you doing in here?

It was a douchebag contractor and two douchey local nationals.

They’re like: “we have to inspect the CHU.”

I’m like: “I’m in fucking lice treatment, so fuck off and come back later, you fucking contractor bitch boys.“

They’re like: “We have to do it now.”

I go to the door, still totally naked, hanging high Phallus-bone and I push the first contractor into the second one, I yell “come back in 30 minutes and knock next time, you fucking fucks! I’m naked and covered with Permethrin, you fucking idiots!”

The point of the story, is, don’t come barging into my fucking CHU or I might blast your fucking cock off with .556 ball ammunition.

This is a War Zone not a goddamn theme park!

Peace be the Botendaddy

Cold War Spy Story Explained

A very large, muscular and completely unorthodox Navy Intel Junior Petty Officer named Botendaddy leads a dangerous seaborne SOUTHCOM mission in El Salvador 🇸🇻 to stop 🛑 an Extrême Deutsche Red Army Faction Terrorist operation against a seaside OAS airbase.

ship crew standing on ship
Photo by Maël BALLAND on Pexels.com

The Army Special Operations Team Alpha is late due to problems with defective helicopters 🚁 and Botendaddy’s team goes in alone and vanquishes their terror team in Extrême mano a mano mortal combat.

aerobatics air air force aircraft
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

LTG Fraunifaisce, the super-lean Korea and Vietnam Veteran mission planner is pleased that the mission succeeded, but furious that a self-involved, delicious yummy muscular jovial slob like Botendaddy saved the day. Who the hell is he? Why was he chosen to lead Task Force Bravo? What is his connection to Langley and the Beltway?

army authority drill instructor group
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The General has an odd sensual attraction to Botendaddy. Is it passion? Lust? Ancient Grecian man-love? God only knows.

Petty Officer Botendaddy is obsessed with Beef Bulkgogki and any woman over the age of 70. His Navy career takes a sour turn when he has a passionate run in with the randy 72 year-old Madame Kim, unbeknownst to Botendaddy, the grandmother of his Intel Platoon Leader.

korean flag hanging outside a house
Photo by James Lucian on Pexels.com

His CIA Chief at Langley has to hide him out in the slovenly drunken dick-dancing fart-contest tobaccy-chawing beer swilling raping National Guard where he can carry out missions without drawing suspicion.

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Photo by Trinity Kubassek on Pexels.com

What adventures could lie ahead for this unlikely hero? But who is he? Where did he come from? Is he a Sowiejt spy? A double agent? Read it all here! Stay tuned!

Botendaddy: ‘On Running’ from the 1954 Chautauqua Running Symposium Reproduced here for the first time! Forward by J.P. Sartre

« Permettez-moi de vous souhaiter une bonne soirée ici à Canisius. Si je puisse que vous sériez mise à date à propos de l’issue philosophique de courir 🏃‍♂️ c’est le solution pour paix à l’âge atomique. L’enfer… c’est le Botendaddy… » « L’être en Botendaddy, c’est l’être en soi »

J.P. Sartre 1ère Juin, Mille Neuf Cent Cinquante-Quatre

Chautauqua Institute for Criminally Insane Physical Culture – Symposium on Modern Running in the Nuclear Age.

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Photo by Andy Vu on Pexels.com

Bertrand Russell: “I welcome you all to Lake Canisius. I know that this meeting has been anxiously awaited since its cancellation in 1938 due to the advent of social irrationalism. I welcome Professor Albert Einstein, Jean Paul Sartre, Jack Kerouac, Frank Lloyd Wright, Le Corbusier, Ernest Hemingway, Jean Genet, Robert Moses, Thomas Merton, Frä Pareczenethy and so many others, plus our friends from Tanglewood, Woods Hole and Dumbarton Oaks.

I introduce tonight, the eminent scholar and humanitarian Nobeel Proze Winner, The Botendaddy.”

Botendaddy in Buddhist Robes and Sandals 👡 humbly approaches the podium.

”Dearest friends, it is not my part to welcome 🙏 you as you are already welcome. I also would like to thank our hosts at CICIPC. I was at the last Symposium here in 1934. My journey has been a difficult one since my temple in Bishing Anurachal Pradesh in the British Raj was seized by the unnamed progenitors of social irrationalism from the unnamed nation in the Northwest Pacific.

Many have asked how we can become the path to peace ☮️? The theme for this symposium is “Running for Peace”.

photo of person running on dirt road
Photo by Orest Sv on Pexels.com

But is it vanity to say that we are ‘for Peace?’ Do we imply that we are morally superior? The Buddha said that to achieve ‘Ahisma’ “You cannot travel the path until you have become the path itself.” that if we run 🏃 peacefully that is sufficient to project peacefulness.

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Photo by icon0.com on Pexels.com

St. John of the Cross in his 11th Century treatise “The Dark Night of the Soul.” instructs us that when we run 🏃‍♀️ we achieve mindfulness in the mind-eye. But do we need other runners to run? The Buddha teaches: If you find no one to support you on the spiritual path, run alone. There is no companionship with the treadmill.

People have come to me on my mountaintop to seek wisdom. They ask: ‘why do you still run?’ The answer is in mindfulness… I run because to run is to become one with the mind

The Monk, Which Nhat Hanh has said: “Runners usually consider Running on water or in thin air as a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to run either on water or in thin air or a treadmill, but to run on earth.

(Full text re-prints available from the CICIPC Society, Canisius, New York for $16.95 or $11.95 with an annual membership)

Peace be the Botendaddy

Prediction: Within ten years none of these businesses will exist

I am a futurist!

Ted Talks

Chain Coffee shops

Google

Amazon

Facebook

Twitter

Oracle

Cisco

Dell

Tech Contracting Companies

Tech contractors

Uber

Lyft

Sears

K-Mart

J.C. Penny’s

Best Buy

McAfee and Norton

Apple

United Airlines

Marriott

Mega-bus

Big box hardware stores

Big box department stores

Big box clothing stores

Big box pharmacies

Most chain restaurants and fast food joints

Free email

Free online storage

Vaping stores

Marijuana and CBD suppliers

Drone Delivery

Fast food delivery

Self-Service gas stations

Electric cars

Hybrid cars

Electric bikes

Bike lanes

Driverless Cars

Online gaming

Online gambling

Legalized gambling

Lotteries

Gambling casinos

Peace be the Botendaddy