Pittsburgh: It’s Yuns not Yinz.

It was never ‘Yinz’ until very recently.

It was always ‘Yuns’.

I literally don’t care 🤷‍♂️ if you disagree. I’m right and you’re wrong.

Don’t jag my whaarz yuns jagoffs. Dem Shtillerz was makin’ good cawntact n’at.

Take the kids ott da haas and dahn da muhz-yuum, so we can redd it up n’at.

Yuns gettin’ Pirogi?

H2P

 

Cut the Bullshit! Neil Armstrong said ‘One small step for man’ Not ‘One small step for A man’ We knew what he meant anyway. So shut up!

I know… we all love Neil Armstrong.

space universe moon research
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

He is a true American Hero.

But, he did not say ‘One small step for A man’.

He said ‘One small step for man’.

It sounds better the way we heard it.

It is poetry.

space research science astronaut
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

He never said ‘a’.

He did not.

We all know what he meant.

blood moon
Photo by GEORGE DESIPRIS on Pexels.com

We are Ok with it.

Quit trying to bullshit us.

Don’t slow down the tapes.

There is not now, nor was there ever an ‘a’.

The meaning is obvious.

Just shut up 🤐 already.

We are all cool 😎 with Neil Armstrong.

Leave the brother alone.

Best American Short Story Anthologies

These are my opinions. Post hoc ergo propter (Pronounced Proe-pter) hoc (Pronounced Hoake) Quad Erat Demonstratum (Pronounced as in all Latin, with a proper English Accent.)

If you want to be acquainted, really acquainted with the most nuanced, mysterious, sometimes humorous stories of Americana.

You don’t  have to be American. If you are learning American English, then learn by reading these works.

This isn’t about your take on the current political dichotomy regarding American Society or culture. It’s about Americana and American Literature. So quit flapping your stinky gums and read the books!

This is You: ‘My politics! Waah!’

This is Me: ‘YAWN’

I embrace all cultures, colors, religions, sexuality, genders, blah, blah, blah. Please just shut up 🤐 and read the books, OK? I’m not your babysitter and I ain’t yo daddy! You dig?

Benjamin Franklin ‘Wit and Wisdom’

James Fenimore Cooper ‘The Leatherstocking Tales’

Edgar Allan Poe ‘The Complete Tales and Poems’

Ambrose Bierce ‘The Best of Ambrose Bierce’

Mark Twain ‘The Complete Short Stories of Mark Twain’

O’ Henry ‘The Complete Collection’

S.J. Perelman ‘The Best of S.J. Perelman’

Ray Bradbury’s ‘The Illustrated Man’

Kurt Vonnegut’s ‘Welcome to the Monkey House’

Lauren Groff’s ‘Delicate Edible Birds’

The Green Studebakker and the Great Miami Hurricane Caper of 1947

“By crackulous! You young punks listen up good! You don’t know nothin’ by crackie (Pronounced cray-kye!) . Filthy young hippies! (Pronounced Hip-eyes). With your dirty minds! You young people are too sexy! Now listen up! It was the great winter ❄️ of ‘46 by Crackamundo!”

The old man 👴 loaned (past sideways participle of lean) back in his rocking chair.

“92 inches of Schnee, 52 degrees below zero in Philadelphia. My pap (Pronounced pap-wise papification) purchased me a brand spankin’ new 1946 Studebaker Commander. Sure was a fine lookin’ Auto-Mobile by crack-wise crackification! I drove her all the way down to the University of Miami with nary a scratch and only one dangling modifier.”

”I remember that drive well! I stopped at every Barbeque joint, reeferstick hut and whorehouse from Philly to Tampa. I found me the dirtiest, smelliest, fattest, oldest, ugliest, yummiest whores. Ah the smell of it, by Kraken!”

”Well I found me a nice apartment rented to me by one of them Cuban broads. There was a 20 space covered garage (Pronounced gah-rhaaaaj) I got space number 20 at the far end. It was January 20 of 19 aught 47. That night I heard on my radio 📻 that a huge Hurricane was a comin’ I remember me a few back in my Army Air Corps Training back in 19 aught 42. By Quraquie!”

”Well I was at class when the storm hit. They warned people to get their cars out of the garage but I plum forgot. When I got back to my apartment the entire garage was collapsed and all the cars 🚗 destroyed excepting for slot number 20. Not a scratch on my Studebaker. Them bastards never forgave me. Oh well 😔 time to change my diaperous bowel genie 🧞‍♂️!”

I’m not going to Write about Tree of Life for a While

This site was always about the following things:

1. Poorly-written stories

2. Running 🏃

3. Workouts 🏋️‍♀️

4. The adventures of the Writer’s Workshop

5. Posts based loosely on the humor of S. J. Perelman

6. Impressions on my service in Iraq 🇮🇶 with the 1st Cavalry Division 🐴

7. Stories and posts about my home state of New York mostly Cooperstown and the City

8. Stories and posts about my adopted home of Pittsburgh

9. Literary and Film critique

10. The Existential Nihilist Philosophy of Häär Doktor Doktor 👨‍⚕️ Pareczenethy

It wasn’t supposed to be sad. It was supposed to be funny and light-hearted and occasionally crude and silly.

I don’t have anything to offer anymore on Tree of Life. We were just like anywhere else. We were just like your Synagogue 🕍 Church ⛪ mosque 🕌 Temple…. Always complaining about nothing. Showing up late. Making fun of other Synagogues. Showing up really late. Internecine conflict. Showing up incredibly late. Making fun of the people Who were sitting around us during the high holy days. Cutting up with my daughter when we were supposed to be praying. Getting yelled at because my daughter never paid attention in Hebrew school. Getting her to Hebrew school late. Getting dirty looks from other congregants for cutting up during services. Reading the announcements instead of the prayer books. Getting yelled at by the rabbi for not showing up or showing up ridiculously late. Hoping the appeals for fundraising would stop. Showing up spectacularly late.

Peace be the Botendaddy