Original Rules of Sports

Baseball ⚾️ (Pronounced Béïsbôl)

There were 11 strikes and 37 balls but if you failed to swing after four pitches, the catcher could beat the sh*t out if you with the bat and steal your quote ’chaw’ end of quote.

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Hockey 🏒 (Pronounced Chaücszky)

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There was no puck. Players beat the shit out of each other for an hour.

Football 🏈 (Pronounced Fußball)

There were no helmets. Players wore high explosives taped to their heads.

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Soccer ⚽️ (Pronounced Fußball)

The field was actually a Crimean War minefield. The ball was a cannonball. The goals well 97 furlongs apart.

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Cricket 🏏 (Pronounced cheerio old chum! sharp! sharp! move it along then!)

The bowler could hurl to the wicket with his anus.

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Basketball

Players had to be under 5 feet tall. The basket was a fruit basket and was 12 feet up. Only one pass was allowed per possession. Games usually ended 1-0.

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Croquet

Used live soft kittens, fuzzy puppies and fluffy ducklings as balls to be smashed with a mallet.

Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

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