New Series! What I did on the day I got fired! Episode One: The Towel

In each episode, the character who gets fired could be played by a different famous actor.

The first episode, visualize a 16 year old Jack Lemmon.

Photo by Rajesh TP on

“It was my first real job. It was a fast food restaurant. Lets call it Effendi’s™️🍔.

We are seated in the dining room of the brand new joint. We are a thousand miles from where the shitty fast food chain was founded and we have to listen to the bullshit origin story. Some guy founded the chain and named it after his daughter. Mega-YAWN! I’m getting $2.40 an hour!

OK. I keep a straight face. They started me on the register. I was bad at that. Next they had me on cooking. I was bad at that. I burned the fries, dropped burgers, screwed up the Erosty™️ beverages. Then they had me on dishwashing.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on

Apparently I sucked at dishwashing too.

The manager comes in. He looks like an emaciated sinewy cat. He starts shroaking at me about how shitty and slow I am at washing dishes.

“You don’t know how to wash dishes!”

He shroake, hands on hips, like Popeye the Sailor Man.

“Well, I get a dirty pot of chili, I rinse it, then Brillo out the bottom until the burned meat residue is gone, then I soap it scrub it and rinse it as fast as I can.”

I Shroake

“Get your towel organized!”

He shroake.

“What the hell does that even mean? Get your towel organized?”

Photo by Thomas Cotton on

The smell of burned grease permeated everything. The disgusting 🤮 assembly line food production. The greasy polyester uniform stinking of grease.

I shroake to myself after he left the sink area.

Four weeks later – July

I also handled the garbage. The left wheel on the garbage kept falling off on the way to and from the dumpster.

Photo by Vladislav Vasnetsov on

There were always people in the drive through line sometimes carloads of shroaking idiots from my high school 🏫.

So I go to take out the garbage. The wheels come off. The bags spill. A carload of idiots from my high school are watching.

Photo by Erik Mclean on

“Ooh Botendaddy! You suck! You stupid dope! Look at my garbage you fat stupid freak! Look at this! Here’s my anus!”

Several of my peers shoved their naked buttocks out the window and exposed their filthy anii.

“Botendaddy! You suck! You shitty dope with your garbage can! Smell my shitty, tasty thumb! You goddamned freak!”

Everyone in every other car began loudly guffawing. It was hot. I was sweating 😓 and angered by the indignity. The laughs and insults rained down like pumice from Mt. Vesuvius.

Photo by Suhairy Tri Yadhi on

I picked up the giant garbage can and I hurled it at the door.

Just then, as if on cue, the mangy cat-like manager opened the door. He looked up to see the massive green plastic garbage can descending in super-slow-mo and he was thus crushed.

Needless to say, I was promptly schmieed (Pronounced fired) from my shitty job.

Maybe I should have got my towel organized.”

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.