A NON-DESCRIPT CAMP NEAR BRESLAU, UNNAMED FASCIST-ENTITY, OKTOBER 1944
(Barking of German Shepherds, unintelligible shrieking over a loudspeaker 📢 and the sound of marching boots are heard, barbed wire shadow motif across the stage)
The camp is grey and non-descript with a slight drizzle and an uncomfortable plasma-like mist. Hopeless prisoners dressed in grey shuffle around in the frozen mud or await orders.
BOTENDADDY, WEARING WEIMAR TOP HAT 🎩 TIE AND TAILS, BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, ENTERS FROM STAGE LEFT
Damen und Herren, willkommen! Ich wünsche ihnen einen guten Abend 🌆 auf meinem Théâtre 🎭 .
Bows low, sweeping with top hat 🎩.
Tonight, we have another dialectical, deontological, teleological, existential Deutsche Expressionist Play.
The author, in the style of Berthold Brecht und Géorg (pronounced gay-orgue) Kaiser, presents two old friends in a Dialektik unresolvable angst-ridden situation in order to illustrate incomprehensibly dull and boring philosophical principles. But we do have Beer 🍻 Würstchen 🌭 und gutes Strüdel to distract you in the likely event the play is stultifyingly dull.
Our protagonist, Hermann is subjected to a 1949 Czech Communist show trial where he must nihilistically and apathetically confess to crimes against Socialism.
Kommissar (rising from bench high above the criminal, shrieking): “You are charged with crimes against the people! You must tell your confession in detail so that the youthful Komsomol may learn how you strayed from Socialist ethics and towards the shrieking siren 🚨 🎶 song of National Socialism! YOU MUST RECITE!
TRANSCRIPT OF CONFESSION OF ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE HERMANN FLÜGMEISTER VON ANSTÄDT AS RECORDED IN A WEATHERED ONION-SKIN LEATHER-BOUND VOLUME AS FOUND IN AN ABANDONED PRAHA VAULT IN AN ABANDONED NON-DESCRIPT SOCIALIST BUILDING IN NOVEMBER, 1992
WORKER (Herman dressed in grey Socialist prisoner garb): “This is my story Komrade Kommisar of how I strayed from the Socialist worker’s utopia and betrayed the working class as I was pulled in to the hypnotic genocidal fantasy of National Socialism: the inevitable endpoint of all rigid Kapitalist exploitation of the working class! May I educate Socialist youth so they do not follow my path.”
TESTIMONY OF FASCIST HOOLIGAN HERMANN VON ANSTÄDT, NOVEMBER 13th, 1949 PRAHA WORKERS UTOPIAN PEOPLE’S COURT OF JUSTICE
FASCIST HOOLIGAN: This my story Komrade Kommisar, it starts in a Concentration Camp of the fascist entity:
Hermann (a Camp guard) : “Prisoner Pareczenethy, please step forward.”
The prisoner steps forward apathetically.
Klaus: “Hier, meinem guten Häär!”
Hermann: “Today the commandant asked that the daily quota of enemies of the State be schießen! SHOT!”
Klaus: “How utterly dull.”
The prisoner is marched to the edge of the camp where there is a blood-stained wooden wall.
Hermann: “You look 👀 familiar my friend. Are you Pareczenethy?”
Klaus: “None other. (Bowing low)
Hermann: “I haven’t seen you since Kristallnacht.”
Klaus: “It’s been a while that we haven’t seen each other. After spending those years in Augsburg earning our Doctorates, to five years in the trenches. Only to meet the horrific evil of the demonic shrieking Woodrow Wilson.”
Hermann: And then after the war, in street battles in München. You were the only Jüde! in our Freikorps.”
Klaus: “Ja, the unaffiliated XVIth Nihilistischen Philosophen motorized rifle Kompanie.”
Herman: “It was the only Freikorps requiring a PhD in Philosophy to enlist.”
Klaus: “After the war, our charming Buchhandlung 📚 in Regensburg.”
Herman: “Until it was burned the ground and I was beaten senseless for being in business with einen Jüde!”
Klaus: “How you ended up here is utterly irrelevant. It is good to see you. I assume I’m going to be SHOT! Waiting around to be SHOT! has been excruciatingly dull.”
Hermann: “I personally asked the Kommandant if I could shoot you. I told him of your five years of service in the Kaiserlich Kavalier on the Western Front and of your Service in the Freikorps. I was very proud when you SHOT! your fellow Jüde! Eugen Leviné.”
Klaus: “I admired Eugen for his resolute and rigid beliefs in a particular yet flawed philosophical system of extreme Teleologikal Marxism based on pure Utilitarianism and false Anthropological ontological classifications and hiérarchies. But he became boring and had to be SHOT!”
Hermann: “May I offer you Pfstigareté? It is a fine Alsatian tobacco grown in the fields of Alsace in deepest winter and hand-rolled by Alsatian-speaking proto-Neanderthals. I am glad 😁 to offer you a smoke before you are SHOT!”
Lights cigarette for the prisoner.
Hermann: “Blindfold meiner Geehrter Häär!”
Klaus: “Niemals! A blindfold or wrist ropes won’t be necessary. The mere act of resistance or escape would be bourgeois self-indulgence.”
Hands envelope to guard.
Klaus: “Please take this letter. If you ever find yourself in Vancouver, please give this to my daughter and please let her know that you SHOT! me, so she’ll know I wasn’t executed by some boring anti-intellectual stranger.”
Hermann: “Of course! May we discuss the deontological viewpoint in western philosophy?
Klaus: Ja, it is, an approach to ethics that determines the goodness or rightness as it were from the examination of acts, rather than the third-party consequences of the act as in consequentialism, or the intentions of the person doing the act, as in virtue ethics.
Hermann: How does this coincide with your view on irrelevance?
Klaus: That is a good question. The consequences and the individual are irrelevant. Only acts in and of themselves contain relevance.
Hermann: Teleological ethical theories, as we know, where according to which the rightness of an action is determined by its consequences is anathema to you, Ja?
Klaus: Correct. I agree with Kant and C.D. Broad: Duties create rules.
Hermann: But you are a nihilist? Cigaretu please?
Klaus: You see, my friend here, take a Cigaretu, existential nihilism argues that life is without objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value.
Hermann: But moral nihilists assert that morality does not inherently exist, and that any established moral values are abstractly contrived. Subsequently, there are no moral values with which to uphold a rule or logically prefer one action over another.
Klaus: Ja, meng Häär, but nihilism can also take epistemological, metaphysical, or ontological forms, meaning respectively that in some aspect, knowledge is not possible or that contrary to our belief, some aspect of reality does not exist as such.
Hermann: Do you really then prefer that view of nihilism that is sometimes used in association with anomie to explain the general mood of despair at a perceived pointlessness of existence that one may develop upon realizing there are no necessary norms, rules, or laws?
Klaus: Precisely. There are in fact rules which give rise to duties of a deontological nature. But these duties, being obscured by den Vier Apokolyptichen Reiter, mit das Pickel-Hauberenisches Oligarckischen, in der Meidnerian Weltumschaum, prevents us from accepting duties which are thus not defined.
Hermann: Excellent Cigaretu!
Klaus: Konsider the differences between Socialismus and National Socialismus.
Klaus: In Socialismus, the mass of the people are viewed as one group with the same burdens and responsibilities. Of course it never works, because those at the top retain all the power and skrew everyone else. Now with National Socialismus, one group of people believes that due to certain inherent characteristics that one group is superior to another group of people. Those in the favored group reap the benefits, and those in the unfavored group are annihilated. But once again, of those in the favored group, those at the top retain the power, the rest are equally skrewed.
Hermann: “I am going to SHOOT! you now.”
Klaus: “It is utterly irrelevant whether I am alive or dead. True nihilism is the non-expression of deontological existential expressionism…
Prisoner is shot dead. Falls to the ground, eyes open, with an expression of utter boredom, cigarette still in mouth.
END OF TESTIMONY OF FASCIST HOOLIGAN
Hermann to Judge: That is my statement Komräde Kommissar. Thus were my fascist inspired crimes against Socialism. My guilt is established like a brooding omnipresence in the sky!
Judge: Duly noted Komrade.
Hermann: “Komräde Kommisar. That is the story of how I betrayed the working class through Nietszcheien bourgeois Kapitalism and National Socialism. I hope that the Soviet Socialist Czech youth may find my story of treason and betrayal instructive. I ask that I may be shot imminently so that I may avoid contamination of the Neue Socialist state with the stain of my crimes against the working class and for the glory of the lumpet Proletariat Revolution against the running-dog paper tiger Kapitalistische Oligarchen!”
Kommisar: “You have become boring, filling me with ennui. Your crimes cannot be expiated by death, only by telling your tragic story to the workers. Your friend died so that Socialist principles might be revealed to the Workers! Hold high the banner of Socialist Revolution against the running-dog, Kapitalist slave-Masters!”
Hermann: “I confess all my crimes against the working class! Long live the glorious Soviet Socialist Revolution!”
Kommisar: “You are sentenced to five years of hard labor at a utopian Socialist re-education center! Long live the people!”
BOTENDADDY BOWS LOW
“Vielen Dank Damen und Herren.”
You see how the hopeless angst-inducing ennui of rampant Kapitalism and the siren song of fascist hooliganistische shrieking National Socialism caused Herman to allow his Id to override his super-ego and shoot his friend nür das Philosophie ist der Brücke zwischen Menschen und der Übermenschen!