“Botendaddy. No one cares about anything you say or do. No one cares about your Teenage Hitler or ANTIFA stickers or your horse 🐴 crap 💩 mislabeled photos or your stupid running 🏃 stories or your bullshit sex
stories. Even a hooker would turn down money 💰 from you. Any woman would chew their arm off to get away from you.”
She continued. I noticed she was entirely nude, standing uninvited in one of the porticos of my estate 🏡.
“No self respecting or even non self respecting LBGTQ+A would give you the time of day. You are hideous at best, the monstrous thing of children’s nightmares at worst. Your writing is drivel, your reviews are the most juvenile literary bowel movement. Write about something different.”
The No-one Cares Lady had returned. And she was still a total (use your imagination to come up with a word to describe her… it’s just easier that way)
“OK, what about new words for common scenarios?”
Snog or Snogging – when you let a really old but nice guy walk in front of your car at the strip mall parking lot.
Flamtatious – When you walk into a public bathroom and the stall is so shit-covered and the toilet so clogged with filthy bacteria-stoked shit that you have to find another stall.
Traumistic – When someone lacking emotional intelligence or empathy blocks the view of the items you want to buy at a store by standing there too long without making a decision, i.e., blocking the ice cream 🍦 flavors so you can’t see what to buy.
Sheebaa’aa – when you are trying to buy Kaluha at the liquor store and some pretentious twat puts all their wine bottles on the conveyor and starts twatting about talking to the guy waiting on you and interrupting your transaction and invading your personal space 🚀.
Westangaraagh – Walking 🚶 three Westies at one time.
“I have one for you, Yon Botendaddy: V’naabatwiroo – When a woman has lost all hope, all dignity, all self-respect and she is overwhelmed with a desire to be sullied, degraded, used and slimed by a hideous, aged, glowing-green, freakish, macabre so-called man who has the temerity to call himself the Botendaddy (Ancient Welsh for man of the earth 🌏 mother fertility goddess).
“F@&$ me goddamn you! No one cares about your stupid definitions! Can’t you see I’m crazy 😜 about you? PLAY MISTY FOR ME! I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!”
BOTENDADDY BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL
[Entering from stage right, roaking a filterless gemel 🐫 in an FDR cigarette holder, then bowing low with a sweep of his top hat 🎩]
“So my dear readers, I was just about to @&$# the No-one Cares Lady, when I looked behind me and there stood… THE BOTEN-DAUGHTER!”
“Dad, coffee ☕️ is ready in the great room, please join me and have Jones show this naked, crazy, (looking down in horror) hairy 🐱 twat out.”
“Hot Rum Horchata Latté?”
Peace be the Botendaddy