The Botendaddy Abides, Part Roku and a Riverside Run

They were doing crew down by the river. I was running with the Tattooed Canadian Chick 🐥. It was very humid.

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A lone rower

“How do you run 🏃 in that enormous yeasty adult diaper?” She asked.

“Listen, we’re just running for distance not for time. The humidity is murder. I hate nothing more in sport than professionals in the Olympics. It’s disgusting. The only reason why they let them in is because we got cheated out a basketball 🏀 gold medal 🥇 in 1972. We forced in the so-called ‘dream team’. It embarrassed 😩 America in front of the world 🌎 and made us look petty and weak. I love the Olympic stories about the guy who fell in the Marathon and got hurt but kept running even as the closing ceremonies were held, and Eddie the Eagle 🦅 and Vasili Alexeev who lifted logs at a mining camp and the Miracle on Ice or Sugar Ray Leonard’s boxing 🥊 or Paavo Nurmi’s tireless running or the great Frank Klammer’s amazing downhill run. It’s about competing and doing your very best and having a dream, not some rigged commercialized bullshit and big countries crushing tiny little countries. ” I preached.

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The river

“Do you see that lone girl rowing 🚣 down there on a shitty humid morning in that acrid tributary? She gets it. No funding, no support just a dream. That’s the Olympic spirit. I used to play ice hockey 🏒I was Captain 👩‍✈️ of every team for which I ever played. Why? I loved the ice, I loved to skate. I could play for 12 hours straight and never get tired or bored 😐.” I continued.

“I understand. I played college basketball 🏀 but I would have played at the YMCA.”

We hit about 9:45 at the ramps to the Island.

“I’m a horrible runner 🏃 kid. I’m essentially crippled, broken legs, pelvis, spine, but I run because I can. I’m alive when I run. My shitty 7:59 mile is to me what 3:59 was to Jim Ryun. It’s mine and no-one else’s.” I said.

FLASHBACK: THE EXCITING FINISH

We could see the end in sight. As would be just perfect for dramatic literary value (and a soon to be major motion picture in Teknikolor™ und Zenzurround® vom We’renot2jewish ™®© Productions, Produced by Schloimo Ben-Boingboomtschak and Directed by Schmuel Cohensteinberger with musical score by Vittorio Antonelli WaLuigi S’ghiarriacchelli with Japanese subtitles with Cooperstown, NY scenes filmed on location in Kilimanjaro Tanzania), it was down to just me and Quentin.

To the winner? Each team of five would share $10,000.00, (equivalent to 36 billion dollars in today’s money with $46.37 left for each runner after New York State, Otsego County and Cooperstown Village municipal waste collection tax) and the leader of each team would {CENSORED FOR EXTREME *HOT* OBSCENITY per NY DEPT. OF AGRICULTURE PUBLIC LAW NUMBER 31-12 of September 3rd 1805, at ALBANY} the other team leader in *hot* sensuous man-on-man action.

With only a couple of hundred yards to go, Quentin was staggering. A crowd of thousands was cheering us on in a bad, fake Hollywood slow motion crowd panning.

“I’m not… going… to make it… and I was so close!” Said Quentin. “You…shit-covered misfits are going to win and then you’re going to {CENSORED} me in my {CENSORED}.”

ASIDE TO READERS BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL

(Botendaddy enters from stage left [whichever side that’s on] in tie and tails with a Weimar Era top hat, bows low to the cabaret audience)

“Hi, beloved readers. My readers are the *hottest*, beautifulest, handsomest, runningest, cusine-inest, most talented and perceptive reeaders in the entire Blogzoversphereowhatthef*&kever. ”

“In the true spirit of sport, in keeping with my deeply held beliefs, I held up Quentin all the way to the finish line. With yards to go, I threw him to the ground, crossed the finish line, won the race, went back, dragged him across the finish line, then in one of the most epic man-on-man events ever, I {CENSORED FOR EXTREME HOTNESS} right in the {CENSORED}. And he lived happily ever after.”

“The Cooperstown team defeated the wicked Schoharie team of red-hot sexy rich blue-bloods because our team of freaks and misfits who were actually pre-selected Marathon-running ringers, beat their pre-selected ringers in an unrivaled epic of mass cheating the likes of which has never been seen before or since. But that was way back before the turn of the century. Ah the smell of it!”

BACK TO THE PRESENT SOMETHING DOT DOT DOT THERMIDOR, YEAR OF BLAH BLAH BLAH, 2017

“Botendaddy, you talk all this Jewish stuff, but there’s no way on earth you’re even remotely Jewish. Half your great-grandparents had platinum blonde hair and blue or green eyes. This is some bullshit thing to fit in with Manhattan Litterati and Hollywood Elites (pronounced Eeeee-Lyghtze) who think you are a shit-covered, dairy-country upstate New York, simpleton shit-bag. Third-rate critic, fourth-rate quasi-illiterate S.J. Perelman-wannabe writer.” Said the TTC. “I heard you f*&%ed the 5h1t out of that Crazy Nerd Girl. Now you’ll never get rid of her. In fact, a little bird told me you f*&%4d her better than you f&%$#d me?!?!? Look at my goddamned t1t5!” She shrieked, opening her weird spandex jogging shirt and exposing her del.ic.io.us firm glistening sweaty yet heavily tattooed t1tt135.

“So my dear readers. If&%$3d her. Right there in the bushes, out on the island, right down by the river. We were almost arrested, but she showed the cops her t1t5, and they let us go with a warning and a few selfies with the TTC except the gay cop took a selfie with me. Wait, hold on, what are so upset about? You all wanted me to f&%$ her! So I did! You practically begged me to do it! You egged me on! How disingenuous! (is that even a word?) Hypocrites all! Ah the smell of it”

“Iced Mocha with Honey?”

Peace be the Botendaddy

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About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
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