Everyone is Helpful Until you Ask for Help: Oneonta to Cooperstown Marathon Part Trois

The 19.75 mile marker. The traditional 3/4 point of the Marathon.

Both teams still in a statistical dead heat, the African runners still alongside each other long since crossed the finish line way ahead of us and doubled back to cheer us on (for the prize 💰).

No one else was in and the eight remaining runners were packed together in a tight, quiet frozen group as the air temperature dropped under -4 FAHRENHEIT! (not Celsius, which no-one knows what that means, except Bold Naopleon Buonaparte on the 37th of Brumaire in year V of the Empire) Anyway, it was cold as 84115.

The final leg to Cooperstown (Bullshit stock photo)

About thirty different people promised us various energy foods and drinks at each 6 miles or so. None of them showed up, why you Ask? BECAUSE EVERYONE’S HELPFUL UNTIL YOU ASK FOR HELP!

“CCI Pluviôse XIV is today’s date! Damn the Julian Calendar you _______s!” I shrieked. The cold and pain had gotten to me.

“Ah the smell of it! I am madly in love with you Yon Botendaddy!” Cried the GGFNR!

“Me first!” Said the BFFR.

“What the f@&$ is ploo-vee-yahz?” Asked the deaf dude desperately trying to read 👄 lips.

“You shit-covered carnival 🎡 freaks are never going to win! I will despoil the Botendaddy! Ah the beauty of raw man-flesh!” Screamed Quentin.

The mute bad guy said nothing. The non-descript other guy from the Rich kids race 🏁 team was equally mute. I think 💭 he was a caddy at their club during the golf 🏌 season who they paid to run 🏃. We were getting close to Cooperstown. The crowds were getting bigger and cheering for the Botendaddy when we were joined by Braithwaite Smythe of the English Broadcasting Company who had been running in a winter ❄️ ‘mac’ the entire way along with a camera 🎥 crew.

BS: “Botendaddy, fresh off of the disaster in the Barthelona Olympics in Spain 🇪🇸 . How do you feel about this challenge competition? Will you win and go twatting about? Or lose and be deliciously man-rhaigped? Ah the smell of it!”

“BD: “Its in the hands of the consul now, the assembly the 18th Brumaire something something Celsius.”


“It’s a good thing I can’t reproduce because my uterus is literally filled with your hideous old man spermatozoa. Ah the taste of it!” Said the Crazy 😜 Nerd 🤓 Girl. Go again?”

“Hot Chocolate 🍫?”

Peace be the Botendaddy



About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
This entry was posted in Critic's Corner, Dining, Exercise, Fashion, Food, People, Running, Technology, Weather and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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