Botendaddy on Barbeque

The Tattooed Canadian Chick and I were watching replays of the 2016 Cup Final.

We were eating ribs.

“Only a shit-for-brains 💩 monkey 🐒 faced idiot with a skull 💀 full of faeces 💩 would trade Phil Kessel, by the way. He’s a game-breaker. ‘Ooh 😲 Corsi this, Corsi that… cause I play fantasy hockey.’ Only shit-heads even know what Corsi means. I don’t because I don’t give a crap 💩 about uselsss stats. Kessel scores when it matters, that’s the entire game of hockey. Quod Erat Demonstratum.” She pontificated.

IMG_1237

Life after people?

“Texas has the shittiest ribs. Not all of Texas, just ever single rib I ate in every town in Texas: Austin, Killeen, Dallas, Waco, San Antonio (pronounced San Anne-Tone), although New Braunfels had good sausage, back when I was with 1st Cav. out of Ft. Hood.

“Ooh 1st Cav. that’s where the real men are! I’ve seen all the movies 🎥.” Said the TTC.

“Texas barbeque is too dry, too tough and they put a little sprinkle of pink oil on the rib and tell you that its sauce. Texas barbecue tastes like rotting goat 🐐 anus. Now Louisiana (pronounced Lousy-Anne) has the tenderest ribs, sweetest, richest sauce. Oklahoma serves up massive ribs with rich sauce too.”

“We get good 😊 beef in 🇨🇦 Canada 🐮 and yes, I speak for an entire nation because I f&$king feel like it eh? My mom is French and my dad is not (pronounced English Canadian). I won’t mention poutine or back-bacon. ”

“Ohio and Pennsylvania have surprisingly good ribs. Kansas City 🌃 Kansas had good meat 🍖 on the ribs, but that weird dry rub sauce. Carolina has excellent barbecue, though, mostly smokehouse style.”

“Don’t you f@&k anymore? The Tattooed chick 🐥 and the nerd 🤓 girl come along and you suddenly don’t f@&k? What is it, I’m not desirable? Every man I meet wants to f&$k me and you just sit there slobbering over ribs. Look 👀 at my goddamned body you misshapen freak! F@&k me now!” She shrieked.

So, my dear readers, I f@&ked her. Repeatedly, for hours. In ways even she, of Jonge and Bloor had never dreamed of. Wait, you’re unhappy 😔? You think I’m a lecherous old pervert? She’s an adult, she’s like 28? What are you Jiminy Cricket? You suddenly got prudish? Seriously, you know you wanted me to f@&k her, so i did and now you’re gonna’ complain?”

“Double Mocha?”

Peace be the Botendaddy

Advertisements

About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
This entry was posted in Critic's Corner, Dining, Exercise, Fashion, Food, People, Running, Technology, Weather and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s