The Tattooed Canadian Chick and I were watching replays of the 2016 Cup Final.
We were eating ribs.
“Only a shit-for-brains 💩 monkey 🐒 faced idiot with a skull 💀 full of faeces 💩 would trade Phil Kessel, by the way. He’s a game-breaker. ‘Ooh 😲 Corsi this, Corsi that… cause I play fantasy hockey.’ Only shit-heads even know what Corsi means. I don’t because I don’t give a crap 💩 about uselsss stats. Kessel scores when it matters, that’s the entire game of hockey. Quod Erat Demonstratum.” She pontificated.
“Texas has the shittiest ribs. Not all of Texas, just ever single rib I ate in every town in Texas: Austin, Killeen, Dallas, Waco, San Antonio (pronounced San Anne-Tone), although New Braunfels had good sausage, back when I was with 1st Cav. out of Ft. Hood.
“Ooh 1st Cav. that’s where the real men are! I’ve seen all the movies 🎥.” Said the TTC.
“Texas barbeque is too dry, too tough and they put a little sprinkle of pink oil on the rib and tell you that its sauce. Texas barbecue tastes like rotting goat 🐐 anus. Now Louisiana (pronounced Lousy-Anne) has the tenderest ribs, sweetest, richest sauce. Oklahoma serves up massive ribs with rich sauce too.”
“We get good 😊 beef in 🇨🇦 Canada 🐮 and yes, I speak for an entire nation because I f&$king feel like it eh? My mom is French and my dad is not (pronounced English Canadian). I won’t mention poutine or back-bacon. ”
“Ohio and Pennsylvania have surprisingly good ribs. Kansas City 🌃 Kansas had good meat 🍖 on the ribs, but that weird dry rub sauce. Carolina has excellent barbecue, though, mostly smokehouse style.”
“Don’t you f@&k anymore? The Tattooed chick 🐥 and the nerd 🤓 girl come along and you suddenly don’t f@&k? What is it, I’m not desirable? Every man I meet wants to f&$k me and you just sit there slobbering over ribs. Look 👀 at my goddamned body you misshapen freak! F@&k me now!” She shrieked.
So, my dear readers, I f@&ked her. Repeatedly, for hours. In ways even she, of Jonge and Bloor had never dreamed of. Wait, you’re unhappy 😔? You think I’m a lecherous old pervert? She’s an adult, she’s like 28? What are you Jiminy Cricket? You suddenly got prudish? Seriously, you know you wanted me to f@&k her, so i did and now you’re gonna’ complain?”
Peace be the Botendaddy