In the end only the Boten-Daughter was there. Everyone else went home or on vacation. In the ancient hall of the University where many great Scholars of yore once stood, going back to the year of the risen Christ being 1797, now stood the wise ingenious Botendaddy. Only Latin and Ancient Greek were thus quod and the laurel of oak leaves 🍃 was placed upon his hoary head.
“I SING THE BODY ELECTRIC! O ANCIENT MARINER! WHAT HATH GOD WROUGHT! CROATOAN! CROATOAN!
The rest of the scholars received their various PhD’s and Masters in their various weird science 🔬. AH THE SMELL OF SCIENCE! INDUSTRY PARENT OF LIBERTY AND SCIENCE! E PLURIBUS UNUM! ANNUIT COEPTIS NOVUS ORDO SECLORUM!
‘Nice work dad.” Said the Boten-Daughter as she took pictures with her Quapple qPhone.
The administration were there, a few 👨🏫 professores.
GAUDEAMUS IGITUR! O’ WISDOM! O EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION!
I took the ancient parchment. And we walked out the door 🚪 me, the Botendaddy and the stately, melancholy Boten-Daughter, who is a great beauty, because she is adopted and thank Lord Khufu does not have my ghastly looks.
“Iced Almond Latte?”
1. Start your dissertation or thesis two terms early
2. Have a thesis and hypotheses early
3. Define your data points early
4. Define precisely how you will apply statistical analysis to each and every data point early.
5. Define your statistical model early.
6. Obtain data collection tools early,
7. Define your expirement early.
8. Read your related research papers early.
9. Start writing your summary earlier.
10. Understand all of your copyright and intellectual property issues early.
11. Set your own schedule for each milestone and activity early.
12. Work relentlessly.
13. Edit your horrible shit.
14. Get friends or colleagues to review your horribly written shit, bad research and shitty experimental design early.
15. Get all approvals for your ghastly experiments on live human subjects.
16. Change your stupid unscientific fucktarded thesis statement and moronic stupid hypothesis as often as you need to in order to add something useful to science.
17. READ! READ! READ! YOU DUMBASS! IT IS SCIENCE! MAKE A NOISE LIKE A SCHOLAR FOR FUCK’S SAKE!
18. Good luck 👍🍀 If I can do it, you can do it.
Note to Crystal: scientists and engineers are awful at business, they are in desperate need of freelance MBA help when they try to start a venture and talk to business people and facilities and apply for finance and government grants and loans. So never regret getting an MBA. Business is a totally different skill and one that we do not possess.
Peace be the Botendaddy