“Did you see it?” Asked the Punker Model Writer 🐥 Chick.
“‘Game of Groans’ with Ed Sheeran…”
“Who the f&$k is Ed Sheeran? I never heard of the motherf&$ker.”
I asked incredulously.
“He was in the scene with the singing soldiers.” She said.
“Oh yeah, he was pretty good, actually.”
My god it was hot. 90 degrees, 75% humidity. I was trying to hydrate (pronounced ‘drinking liquids’ you f@&king f&$ktards. It’s called drinking f&$king water!)
“You’re yelling at someone in your head again, stop it. I should live with you at Utonic Manor, but the Boten-Daughter doesn’t seem to like me. You should marry me. I’m young, beautiful, fertile. I don’t want a real job.”
“She doesn’t hate you. She just enjoys my company and the ghastly, ghoulish, somber servants who are deathly loyal to Utonic Manor. My great great great grandmother was a Utonic. Her brother became evil and the neighboring Utonic Manor sank into the swamp after a horrific ritual that ended with the conjuring of the fabulous Yog Sothoth.”
“F@&k me right now, under this ancient train 🚂 trestle. I need it, you disgusting, freaking Franken-diaper. Whenever you talk about your macabre ancestors it turns me on.”
“Boten Daddy is a Welsh phrase meaning: ‘Father of the belly of the 25,000 year old stone 💎 artifact fertility symbol earth 🌏 mother.'”
So, my dear readers. I f@&ked her, in the sweltering heat. Are you happy 😊 now? Did you get a cheap 1962 Cat 🐱 skills thrill?
So we ran. I was going to run 🏃 faster than last year’s race.
First mile: 8:37.
Then I was dying. The heat 90 degrees, the humidity 75% it was staggering.
“Where is your massive adult diaper? How many times have you ever run without a diaper?” Asked the PMWC.
“That makes twice in the past eight years. It’s too hot. I’m already dying. I’m so dehydrated that it doesn’t matter. This is extreme. My brain pan is 🍳 🥘 cooking. How does anyone run in spandex in this heat?”
I was running as fast as I could, but I had nothing. I made two miles in 19 minutes and then they all began to run past me. It was even downhill. I had nothing.
“How could you lose so much weight, work out 🏋 so much, run so much and use so many stupid emojis and still run like 💩 crap.”
It got worse. I was just hanging on.
I made it 38 seconds faster than last year.
I came in third in age group.
“Botendaddy. I heard rumors that the Writer’s Workshop is breaking up and we are going to be kicked out of the Bolean Nationality Classroom. Is that true?”
“We will find out in August… Raspberry Mocha?
Peace be The Botendaddy