I was warming up near the Parkour site. I was joined by the Librarian. We had been lifting at the University gym.
We spotted the Angry Online SJW guy putting up signs for some sort of protest, straight out of the movie PCU. I wanted to throw raw meat at him.
Unfortunately, he spotted us. Fortunately, he was not in running gear.
“So, like Botendaddy, you fascist, so like ‘wut?’. So like this is you: like dude, so like I have these opinions. So this is me: so like ‘wut’? There, I like saved everyone the trouble. I DOWNVOTE YOU!”
“Is he actually retarded?” Asked the Librarian.
“That would be an insult to all mentally disabled people. No, he is more of a stupid, mindless shithead, with a head full of shit.” I replied.
We tried to ignore him.
“So like, Librarian, you’re like super-hot, why do you hang out with Botendaddy, he’s like old, he like wears a massive, del.ic.io.us diaper, why are you not getting this?”
I could see the Librarian starting to lose it.
“Listen you stupid downvoting fucktard, why don’t you get a life, do something, get off Queddit, get a job, do auto-erotic asphyxiation or go volunteer if you care about Social Justice, you useless, neckbeard, tub of juvenile shit.”
“Racist, fascist, sexist, homophobic, orca-killing, date-raping, zoyonist Librarian! I DOWNVOTE YOU!”
We started 🏃 running leaving the AOSJW guy in the dust.
We ran past the museum, but as we crested the hill by Hunt-Schenley Tech University we were blocked again! This time by the vintage car 🚗 race 🏁. WTF?
We ran back down the hill and now across the Pitt campus. The heat and humidity crushed our mile times as we wove in between returning students.
We were joined by the Bolean alien 👽 twins who were also out running.
“Botendaddy, Librarian! Whassupp, humans! Been a while, yo’.”
We ran down into the gully. Our two mile time was atrocious.
“Why you h-words running so slow?” Asked Gryzwacz-eep-orp. 👽
“Hill training, that’s the ticket.” I said.
“Our Mom says hi. She said you f@&k pretty good for an earth-man. I can’t believe that you totally f@&ked our Mom. You totally stretched out her alien 👽 v491n4, now she walks funny. Good thing she’s divorced and our dad is a gay 👽 . That’s so creepy that you filled her with earth-53m3n.” Said Gryzwacz-orp-ah-ah.
“Botendaddy, you actually f@&ked an 👽 life form? You are so perverted. I mean… is there anyone or anything you haven’t f@&ked recently?” Asked the Librarian.
“Hey our mom isn’t a thing, you nasty earth 🌏 slut!” The Boleans shouted as they ran off to get O dogs.
We finished at 3.35 miles, staggered by the heat and humidity.
“Let’s go to your office and you can f@&k me like you f&$ked that blue alien 👽 b1tch.”
Peace be the Botendaddy