92nd Distance Run since ever: The Hampton Rotary 5k

I was determined to break the elusive 8:00 mile. It was sunny, hot and humid. Very hot for a morning race start.

I was joined by the Weird Foreign Doctor Chick.

“I am dripping with your precious bodily fluids. I feel sticky, slimy, used, like I have been violated over and over and over again by a hot, Muscular, Dominant Colonial power. I reek of your man-stench!” Said the WFDC a little bit too loudly.

The Finish Line

 

“Ssh, there’s children here for god’s sake!”

I tried to cover her mouth.

“When a man makes love to a woman in my country, she must loudly proclaim it for all to rejoice!” She shouted proudly.

The Runners

 

“You are making that up, aren’t you?” I said incredulously (a word no one ever really uses except in bad literature).

“OK, so I lied, you aged, sexy American devil. Ah the smell of it!”

I ran as hard as I could. Maybe I could have run harder. 8:07 first mile.

Registration

 

I hit the downhill as hard as possible, but then there was a daunting humid uphill. I was sure to pass all of the walkers.

18:26 at the two mile.

“This is way too hot for me. In my country, I am used to running in 700° below zero Kelvin or 1,000,000,000° below zero Fahrenheit at altitudes in excess of 240,000 miles.” She said matter-of-factly.

Milling About

“For some reason, I think you’re exaggerating. By the way, nice bare midriff, you show some muscle there Little Mountain Chick.”

“I told you Mr. sexy Botendaddy, that I am all muscle, I am epic win! Opulence, I has it! Would you like to see my little yellow-brown native Himalayan {CENSORED PA DEPT OF AGRICULTURE}?” She started to pull off her jogging bra halter thingy.

“Stop that for God’s sake! Are you insane? There are people out here!?!”

I tried to hold her halter on, but it looked like I was groping her. A women ran by and sneered at me.

“Pervert.” She muttered. “Rapist… serial killer… groper…”

Then the sneering woman ran off the race course and crashed into a large bush.

The Map My Run App ‘paused’ involuntarily again. FAIL! FAIL FAIL! UnderArmour! Fix your broken crap!!!

I ran as hard as I could but I still couldn’t break 30 minutes.

“You are pathetic, Yon Botendaddy. A physiological disgrace. Let’s go back to your condo and get in the hot tub.

“Iced Almond Mocha?”

Peace be the Botendaddy

 

 

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About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
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