I stood upon an ancient Ordovician rock outcrop, high above my Dojo at ‘Scaife-Mellon-Carnegie Top Hat Muscular Bearded 19th Century Monopoly Guy Robber Baron’ Park.
I was dressed in a ceremonial white gi of the Ba-Ru-Ki-Ka-Ru Japanese Cultural appropriation school of Anglo-Saxon Ka-ra-te with my extreme Obsidian belt.
My words were out of synch with my lip movements.
My disciples were in Hollywood Ka-ra-te formation below.
Hiroyuki stood at the front like a Company Commander.
‘Heiss! Su-yo! Hajime!’ She shouted as the Writer’s Workshop did a fake Ka-ta routine. “Ich! Ni! San! Shi! Go! (Exaggerated Ro-ku!” They shouted in unison.
“Today we discuss what happens when you begin to backslide on a diet. With the approval of your extreme licensed Physician, I take these steps:
1. Start weighing yourself every morning when you wake up.
2. Start counting calories again on My Fitness Pal.
3. Don’t take any laxatives or water pills. Never use them as a crutch they can make you very sick.
4. Don’t consume over 300 calories before noon.
5. Start walking every day around lunchtime instead of eating lunch.
6. Avoid snacks of any kind, even fruit or vegetables for four days.
7. Eat strictly only 400 calories under BMR the first four days.
8. Resume any usual exercise routine if you’ve stopped.
9. Don’t overdo it and try to exercise your way out of it. It’s a false hope.
10. Don’t panic. It will be OK.”
Peace be the Botendaddy