“Does anyone know what happened?”
The smoke rose eerily over the city in a post-apocalyptic vision like a terrifying 16th-Century Dürer etching.
Had Something truly horrific happened?
“Is it nuclear (pronounced nuke-ya-lure) war?” Asked Devon nervously?
“Is it an invasion?” Asked the PMWC rubbing her hands and looking upwards in fear.
“Is it the zombie apocalypse?” Asked the CQ.
“Its far worse than all of that.” I said, as I stood somberly in front of the Writers Workshop.
“Someone… threw a rotten catfish… (Spelled Cat-GHOTI) on the ice at the Penguins Hockey game!”
“Oh the humanity!” Shrieked the professor, falling to the floor.
“What hath god wrought?” Said big chief Guyasuta, weeping.
“Croatoan… Soylent Green is People…” muttered the Park Ranger.
“The perpetrator has committed a crime against humanity, he must be burned at the stake like fried Beetus.” Said the Voat Fat People Hate Verified Shitlady.
“Drawn and quartered.” Said the stalker.
“Eternal damnation.” Cried the Swole Bro’.
ANCIENT AND REVERED COURT OF QUARTER SESSIONS DOCKET No. PL-2045 of 1947 sitting at Pittsburgh: “Oyez, Oyez, Oyez! All ye please rise, the ancient and mysterious Court of the honorable judge J.P. (Horatio) White-Manne-DeVille is now in session!”
The entire Writers Workshop were milling about in the upper gallery of the ornate 19th Century courtroom.
“All Ye Whom shall give testimony in the cause now being heard raise your right hand and swear this sacred oath to the Risen Christ and the Free and Accepted Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. Do you so swear by almighty God, the Searcher of all hearts, that in the cause now being heard, the evidence being so tendered, you shall tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth or you shall so answer to God on the last great day? Be seated.”
So there we sat my dear readers. And they led him in wearing leg irons. THE CATFISH THROWER! ENEMY OF CHRIST AND AMERICA!
Would he be sentenced to be hanged by his neck until dead, dead, dead? Stay tuned for more Botendaddy Radio Theater (dramatic echo).
So we ran through the park. Uphill making one mile in 8:55, two miles in 19:42, three miles in 31:30 5k in 33:11 four miles in like 43 something. Then we all went and took a shower.
But the Catfish (Cat-GHOTI) Tosser would await his fate.
“Botendaddy, the world is ending, f&%k me now, ___-damn you, you stupid, shit-covered old Yeti!” Shouted the Weird Foreign Doctor Chick.
Peace be the Botendaddy