Inexplicably Fast Four Mile Run with Pacers

“Your running is horrible. We have a plan. ‘Fox and Hounds’ It is so hot! The boys will chase you and you will chase the girls! Ah yes, the hot smell of man-flesh!” Said the Park Ranger. He, Chief Guyasuta, Ramon and the Swole’ Bro’ making up the *gay*, *hot* contingent of the Writer’s Workshop (notice how I keep moving the apostrophe around like my readers wouldn’t notice.

The Bolean Gryzwacz-tmgbt would run with me.

I would chase the girls, with their fat, muscular bottoms bouncing around in their tight spandex. The Caribbean Queen, the Stalker, The Librarian and the Weird Foreign Doctor Chick, select for ass-girth and excessively, obscenely, camel-toey tight, filthy-girlie, wet-spot-soaked spandex would run in front of me, reeking of sweaty stankificacious, yeasty, *red-hot* woman-flesh. Ah the smell of it!

The game works like this: if the boys catch you, you are subjected to hours of penetrating, sloppy, sweaty {CENSORED, PA DEPT. OF AGRICULTURE per PL 34-2016.2 stroke 7 PA CONS STAT, PL 3116 of 1939 Regarding Communist Prurient Preversion in public literature regarding hot man flesh, Court of Quarter Sessions rule promulgated en banc sitting at Somerset Pa. 1 July 1940} if you catch the girls then one by one you can subject them to hours of spanking, plus penetrating, sloppy, sweaty {CENSORED, PA DEPT. OF AGRICULTURE per PL 34-2019.2 stroke 5, PA CONS STAT, PL 3115 of 1938 Regarding Communist Prurient Preversion in public literature, Court of Quarter Sessions rule promulgated en banc sitting at Olde Uniontowne Pa. 23 April 1939}

We decided to go to the trail.

Advice to readers:

  1. You may race on streets or roads, but avoid training on hard surfaces, it is extremely hard on the body.
  2. Dieting to lose weight is in fact VERY DIFFICULT! (unnecessary tin-foil hat capitalization) You must eat below BMR which for some people is practically nothing. Dieting to maintain is a lot easier. Not easy, easier.
  3. Hamstring injuries take a long time to heal. If you cant stretch it out, IT IS TORN (all caps)

I had been averaging a horrific, dead 11:15 pace foe my first mile. I was shocked to discover that the Boten-Daughter had run a 7:00 flat. She didn’t hesitate to tell me about it of course.

First mile, mostly on the flat: 8:50, we proceeded up the hill towards the old train tunnel where I desperately tried to break a 19:00 two-mile. I could feel the sweaty stench of the mob of hungry manhandlers behind me. I could almost taste the rotting stench of yeasty girlie parts in front of me. The Bolean was nochalantly roaking a filterless Jemmel unfiltered Zeegaaraat, Alpha-Centauri Planet 11, region 14 tobacco Cigarette.

img_6100

The Haunted Trail Tunnel

The second mile was under 19 minutes giving us a clear shot at a 29 minute three mile and the elusive sub-30 minute 5k. We ran down the hill at near full speed. We made three miles in 28:42 then we ran full bore across the old train bridge and we made 5k in about 29:40. Not too bad.

The Bolean mentioned something to me about how when Bolean women have sex, they are like a lava lamp and the spermatozoa can be seen floating through the females uterus like a living lava lamp, clearly showing that they have been sullied.

We made four miles in 39:36. Not too shabby.

Apparently, his mom was showing lurid spermatozoa in technicolor along with a large LED sign that said: “I am the Botendaddy’s love slave. This is his spermatozoa inside me.”

“Iced Mocha with Whipped?”

Peace be the Botendaddy

 

Advertisements

About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
This entry was posted in Critic's Corner, Dining, Exercise, Fashion, Food, People, Running, Technology, Weather and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Inexplicably Fast Four Mile Run with Pacers

  1. quinncove says:

    Interesting post!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s