Rochibauld Sachse-Heutelier Discusses his Neue Deustche Kine: ‘Hi Jolly’

Karl-Heinz Schnellebakker: “Wilkommen, Meinerem Geehrteres Herrer Rochibauld. May I offer you eineres neueren Kaffe? It is grown on the highest cliff faces of the Matterhorn in Schweiz.

RSH: “Vielen Dank, Meinerer Geehrteren Herrerer.”

KHS: “So, tell me about your latest Kiné.”

RSH: “It is about the Muslim (pronounce Muss-lim. The ‘s’ is soft) Hadji Ali, who came from ancient Smyrna to help the Dominant masculine U.S. Cavalry in the sexy Wild West.”

KHS: “So what sort of help did he provide?”

RSH: “The Amerikannischer Armee reasoned that the camel (pronounced Jemmel) would be superior in the Western Desert as pack animals.”

KHS: “So they hire this Hadji Ali.”

RSH: “Yes, but they could not pronounce his name, so they called him by the deliciously fun moniker: “Hi Jolly”. He even has his own song: Hi Jolly Song by the Bellshanney Men

KHS: “So how do you place this event in terms of the current political dichotomy with the sexy, red-haired, dominant, psychopathic Trump?”

RSH: “Ja, I take a nihilist perspective. So Hi Jolly comes to America with eight other Greek-Ottoman-Syrian-Jordanian Camel drivers. They got on quite well with the rustic, ‘butch’ American Cavalry. Ah the smell of it!”

KHS: “Fascinating.”

RSH: “I don’t want to give away the entire film, but there is of course an evil, sexy mustachioed Cavalry Officer from Florida who hates N____. He just hates on N____. He views Hi Jolly as another form of N_____. Every other word out of the officer’s mouth is N____ like in a shitty Tarantino film. Of course, there is an officer from Philadelphia who loves Hi Jolly and protects him and the other Camel drivers from the evil Major.”

KHS: ” Is there a hetero-normous-cis love interest?”

RSH: “Ja, a beautiful Turkish girl. Both Hi Jolly and the Major are competing for her affections. The Major is evil, angered by losing the affections of the girl to Hi Jolly, he conjures the fabulous shocking Yog Sothoth to get revenge on Hi Jolly.”

KHS: “So what happens?”

RSH: ” The American Civil War starts. The Camel program is ended. The Camels are released into the desert. Hi Jolly finds work in California. The Major decides to becomes a Yanqui and not join the sexy Confederates, even though he HATES N____!.”

KHS: “Interesting plot twist. I understand over 100,000 Southerners fought for the Union?”

RSH: “Correct, mostly devout Christian anti-slavery Appalachian mountain people who loved N____. So At the Battle of the Wilderness, the Major tricks the Philadelphian into a Cavalry charge and the Philadelphian, Hi Jolly’s friend dies slowly and horribly, still gripping the little Syrian ceremonial knife that Hi Jolly gave him as a gift of friendship.”

KHS: “So how does this affect Hi Jolly?”

RSH: “Well the evil Major becomes a General and he sits on the pension board and he makes sure that Hi Jolly never gets his government pension.”

KHS: “This is sad.”

RSH: “The movie is about angst. But in the final scene in Los Angeles in 1900, a beautiful young woman visits Hi Jolly. It is the Philadelphians grand-daughter. She gives money to Hi Jolly’s children to make up for the lost pension.”

KHS: “I am weeping.”

RSH: “Well, I had to make the film American with a sad but happy Spielberg like ending.”

KHS: “Zigaretu?”

Peace be the Botendaddy.



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