DATELINE: WASHINGTON (1940’s TYPING SOUND EFFECT) Botendaddy Qweet picked up on the wire. It was a Hells-Vargo Cable-Telegram-Telegraph-Marconi-Wireless Qweet.
“Suddenly today, Botendaddy issued a Qweet that said the following:
March 12, 2017 17:30
Yvanka showed up at my five-miler wearing an ‘Guy Fawkes’ mask, can we sit down together and talk about Social Distance Running Justice 160 characters? In Haiku?
He was immediately doxxed, brigaded, downvoated and sh!tlorded on 5-chan, Reightbart and ‘Vhoaghte’.
Roche Limbaughe stated in a high-pitched radio-voice: “Botendaddy, you huge liberal!”
A comment on 5-chan stated:
“Botendaddy, he’s one of youse typical commie-pinko, traitorous preverts, but I’m not trying to cast any aspersions (pronounced Ass-Poi-Zhunz).” A. Nonymouse Commenter
Hillary Clinton stated: “Boten Папа является Взрослый пеленки, носить Российский хакер!”
President Trump stated: “I hate Botendaddy, I love Botendaddy, he’s terrible, he’s a great guy, I love him, I hate him. Cut off federal funds to his already failing research project? You’re fired! You’re hired, he’s wonderful. Get him outta here! Are you gonna eat that?”
Sean Spicer stated: “Botendaddy? Who the F&%$ is that?”
Bernie Sanders stated: “Botendaddy? Who the F&%$ is that?”
Voat: “Botendaddy is a fat Obeast Grease-Golem Butter-huffer..FAAAATTTT!!!! DIE DIE DIE MAY LORD BEETUS TAKE HIS HOLY SACRIFICE AND KILL THE HEFFALUMP DEMON BOTENDADDY!” signed The Voat Fat People Hate Verified Sh!tlady”
ANTIFAT: “Death to the Capitalist Oligarch Fascist *hot* Botendaddy!”
Batboy: “F*&k Botendaddy. He’s an A$$h013!”
The entire Writer’s Workshop was assembled at the dying shopping mall high on the plateau. Even the few remaining customers noticed the gang of weirdos changing clothes inside the mall bathrooms.
Thank god it was flat. We got off to an OK start, about an 8:56 mile. We didn’t start hard as my knee was still hurting. We ran the outer ring, dodging the sparse traffic. Despite giant empty parking lots, the few cars still came dangerously close to us. The second mile was good, about 19:24 well under the old man APFT time. We kept the three mile time under 30:00. We ran behind the abandoned Tears-Lowbucks store dodging used condominiums and hypodermic needles.
“It’s cold out here.” Said Ramon
“Ditto, Lardvaarks.” Echoed the Voat Fat People Hate Verified Sh!tlady.
“Agreed.” Said the Caribbean Queen, Devon and the Weird Foreign Doctor Chick trimultaneoulsy.
“Can’t you American people take the cold? This is nothing up on Grouse Mountain.” Asked Hiroyuki.
“Who’s the new broad?” Asked the Swole’ Bro’.
We all looked over at the stately woman in the Guy Fawkes mask.
“I don’t know. We should leave her alone and not talk to her unless she talks to us. Did anyone notice that there are five secret service guys with official PT uniforms running around here?” I stated.
“And there are armored SUV’s with lights on behind us and in front of us. Mentioned the Librarian.
“They must be from Hells Vargo the bank who bought the place for 11 cents at the Sherriff’s sale.” Said the CEO.
“Sometimes they send someone from the bank to check out the property. She must be a bank indemnity assessor.” Added the Stalker.
Four mile mark was under 41:30, not great, not bad. We did one more turn to try to get in at least five miles. We came upon the final turn
“Where did all those secret bank people go?” Inquired the Park Ranger.
The anonymous runner was gone along with the escort runners and the SUV’s.
“What a shitty run.” Gasped the Professor.
“Botendaddy, you are a moron. Let’s all go to your giant hot tub and f*&k like wild rabbits.” Said the Punker Model Writer Chick.
Peace be the Botendaddy