Speaking the Common Tongue

“Listen Botendaddy:

1. No one thinks you’re funny.

2. No one thinks you’re interesting

3. No one understands your stories

4. No one thinks you’re attractive (freak)

5. No one likes you (possible smiley face serial killer)

6. No one likes your lean, tanned, tall muscular body (enormous red hot member)

F@&) me g@ddamn you! You shit-covered freak! You diaper wearing Frankenstein! Fill me with your 5p3rm!”

Everyone in the Writers Workshop was staring at the ‘No-one Cares Lady’ in shocked silence.

“Other people are here, f$cktard!” Yelled the Punker Model Writer Chick.


Late Winter Sky

“Listen, the NCL has a point. Everyone has their own timeline. Like Ramon, he grew up in Las Pampas, with a gaucho dad who beat the shit out of him. He always dreamed of coming to America like Fievel the shitty, shtetl, stereotyped Jewish cartoon mouse who sang like Neil Diamond.” Quoth the Park Ranger.

“So what you’re saying, is that we can talk to each other, but not communicate because our world views are so radically different our timelines are so divergent that we can be the same nationality, same language same race, same sex, same city of birth, same school… like twins have near identical timelines, they can finish each other’s sentences, but we know each other for a few years, but we barely know each other…” Said the Stalker.

“It’s literally like each of us is in another dimension, stovepiped from each other.” Added Devon.

“I’m from Jamaica, I speak English but often I can’t make myself understood in America.” Mentioned the Caribbean Queen.

“They say men and women speak a different language.” Interjected the professor.

“In other words, if we have trouble communicating with people, it’s because we forget that their experiences in life and their timeline is completely different from ours, different family history, different upbringing.” Observed Chief Guyasuta.


My Little Brony

“Maybe good salesmen, or people with charisma have that ability to recognize that other people have totally different experiences.” Whispered the Swole Bro, his eyes transfixed on the statue of the Bolean.

“It’s about speaking a common language, not literally, but figuratively.” Opined the Librarian.

“So, People who are successful in interpersonal interaction very subtly recognize the different timeline and worldview and don’t have the expectation of being understood if they speak tooo much from their own experience and not from universal experience, from commonality.” Soliloquated the CEO.

“Precisely. Step one is recognizing that people only know you by the outer shell. If you don’t speak the common tongue, they don’t comprehend you. Even the act of listening is a form of speaking the common tongue. Empathy, it’s more than trying to be nice, it’s a rejection of your own timeline in favor of finding the cosmic crossing points with another human being. It’s very zen.” Philosophized Hiroyuki.

“You fat Japanese, Sumo, Kabuki-dancer Heffalump, deathfat, Beetusjuice, adult-diaper-wearing, Mayo-dumpster! F&$& your Mt. Fuji timeline you bloated Godzilla! May Lord Beetus take your fat hooves and kill you!” Shrieked the Voat Fat People Hate Verified Shitlady.

“F@&k you and die, you stupid c&$t! Eat goat-shit, you miserable stupid Virgin Island, Cruise-Ship, Cabana-Club, Jimmy Buffet, Parrot head, grass skirt, crab-eating, Tourette’s-talking twat! Is there a governor in your head to stop the stream of hate-sciousness that pours out of your rotten brain? I will beat the living shit out of you! Here’s my f@&king timeline!” Screamed Hiroyuki, leaping from her chair and tackling the VFPHVSL to the ground. They were quickly restrained by the Swole Bro and Ramon.

“Retardates.” Muttered the professor.

“Iced Mocha?”

Peace be the Botendaddy


About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
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