“You shitty foreigners don’t know about the Aum Zelta!” Said the Voat Fat people Hate Verified Shitlady.
“Blank you!” Said the Carribbean Queen.
“What she said!” Added the Weird Foreign Doctor Chick.
“You are no Vito Muscularo! Ah the smell of man-flesh!” Shouted Ramon.
“How is it pronounced?” Asked the Professor.
“It is not so much pronounced, as… well…experienced. I stated as we ran on the slight downhill. It looked like I was finally going to break a 9:00 mile for the first time in a couple of weeks.
“It is a gay letter.” Opined Ramon. It is lavender.
“It is the first letter in Osawowwow when pronounced properly.”
“You fatties are so stupid you are speaking gibberish with your condishuns! Said the VFPHVSL
Two miles was looking good, under 19 minutes! It was warm, 64 degrees. Odd weather. Lobal Gwarming? Chimate Clange? Was it because of Trump? 84 Lumber? Tom Brady? Antifa?
“‘Man in the Osawowic mode’ explains everything. The Aum Zelta makes the entire word prefixed with Osawowwow. I was in a monastery in Bhutan in between the wars, trying to find my inner chi, the fourth eye. We repeated the mantra Aum…Zelta high on the mountaintop. YOU MUST RECITE! YOU MUST RECITE!” I shrieked.
“:Do ya want this boddee! Do you want this fat, sexy bodee!” Screamed the weird foreign doctor chick at me, ripping off her shirt to reveal her little jogging bra.
“What the f%ck is wrong with you? Are you socially retarded? Just because Trump travel-banned you?” The professor asked the WFDC.
“I am epic win!” Shouted the WFDC back at the professor.
“Three miles sub 29? Could we break the 30 minutes 5k? Yes!” I yelled.
“I think I was just in a low bio-rhythm before. I was just tired of running.” I observed.
“Let’s get n4k3d and get in the hot tub, you shit-covered land-walrus, but take a shower first.” Said the VFPHVSL massaging my massive, pungent, reeking, undead, glowing, adult running-diaper.
Peace be the Botendaddy
DATE: THIS 8th DAY OF FEBRUARY, YEAR OF OF THE RISEN CHRIST BEING THE TWO-THOUSAND AND SEVENTEENTH, IN THE COURT OF QUARTER SESSIONS