The Aum Zelta: Letter 27 of the English Language

“You shitty foreigners don’t know about the Aum Zelta!” Said the Voat Fat people Hate Verified Shitlady.

zelta

“Blank you!” Said the Carribbean Queen.

“What she said!” Added the Weird Foreign Doctor Chick.

“You are no Vito Muscularo! Ah the smell of man-flesh!” Shouted Ramon.

“How is it pronounced?” Asked the Professor.

“It is not so much pronounced, as… well…experienced. I stated as we ran on the slight downhill. It looked like I was finally going to break a 9:00 mile for the first time in a couple of weeks.

“It is a gay letter.” Opined Ramon. It is lavender.

“It is the first letter in Osawowwow when pronounced properly.”

“You fatties are so stupid you are speaking gibberish with your condishuns! Said the VFPHVSL

Two miles was looking good, under 19 minutes! It was warm, 64 degrees. Odd weather. Lobal Gwarming? Chimate Clange? Was it because of Trump? 84 Lumber? Tom Brady? Antifa?

“‘Man in the Osawowic mode’ explains everything. The Aum Zelta makes the entire word prefixed with Osawowwow. I was in a monastery in Bhutan in between the wars, trying to find my inner chi, the fourth eye. We repeated the mantra Aum…Zelta high on the mountaintop. YOU MUST RECITE! YOU MUST RECITE!” I shrieked.

2016-03-23-19-25-57

The Dog Tastes the Aum Zelta in the Wind

“:Do ya want this boddee! Do you want this fat, sexy bodee!” Screamed the weird foreign doctor chick at me, ripping off her shirt to reveal her little jogging bra.

“What the f%ck is wrong with you? Are you socially retarded? Just because Trump travel-banned you?” The professor asked the WFDC.

“I am epic win!” Shouted the WFDC back at the professor.

“Three miles sub 29? Could we break the 30 minutes 5k? Yes!” I yelled.

“I think I was just in a low bio-rhythm before. I was just tired of running.” I observed.

“Let’s get n4k3d and get in the hot tub, you shit-covered land-walrus, but take a shower first.” Said the VFPHVSL massaging my massive, pungent, reeking, undead, glowing, adult running-diaper.

“Cinnamon Mocha?”

Peace be the Botendaddy

CABLE: UTONIC

DATE: THIS 8th DAY OF FEBRUARY, YEAR OF OF THE RISEN CHRIST BEING THE TWO-THOUSAND AND SEVENTEENTH, IN THE COURT OF QUARTER SESSIONS

PRIORITY: URGENT

The ‘Aum Zelta’ is the 27th Letter of the English Alphabet. It fell out of favor in 1865. It was Abe Lincoln’s favorite letter and the Aum Zelta died with him. A true American Tragedy.

 Trump has banned the ‘Aum Zelta’ from all schools and nail salons by executive order no. 17-4033.23

 The Aum Zelta can now only be seen in museums and on the facade of the 1854 Zelta Eta Beta Fraternity House at Olde Uniontowne College on Route 40 in Fayette Countie Pennsylvania

Since Trump banned the Aum Zelta, crowds of tourists have flocked from all over the world to Olde Uniontowne to see the ancient inscription. Historians believe that the Aum Zelta was written by the evil Perez Rochibauld Utonic as part of a fabulous ritual to conjure the unspeakable Yog Sothoth.

Advertisements

About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
This entry was posted in Critic's Corner and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s