How to write a 70’s rock ballad

“Botendaddy, was that you playing the bass? I mean WTF? I never knew you were a musician!”

Heroku walked into the massive subterranean lair underneath the Utonic House Mansion at Botendaddy Manor Estates.

“Who the hell is this daddy?” Asked the Botendaughter looking Heroku up and down.

“It’s my friend from the Writer’s Workshop. Misty, this is Heroku.”

Heroku stared at Misty.

“You’re so beautiful, you are Asian, like me, or are you American Indian?”

She touched Missy’s coal-black hair.

“I am an Alaskan Seashore Indian American Native person. But my dad is a white devil. He was a rock star in the late 70’s. A bass player with a major band. He played the Budokan. But he walked away from it all so he could join the Army, kind of like his stupid German friend Rochibauld. You’re pretty too.”

“Your dad is a very strange person.” Said Heroku sincerely.

“He’s an idiot.” Misty said, nodding in agreement. “You seem like a very fine young woman, I hope you didn’t let him f… oh no, you did, didn’t you.”

“I’m right here people.” I said.

Heroku hung her head. “I feel so dirty now.”

“Daddy, let’s write a song. A real stereotypical 70’s awful rock ballad.”

The chauffeur slash maintenance guy came down and slung a guitar over his shoulder. Misty got behind the elaborate Zildjian drum set. The butler got on the keyboard. The maid stood up to one of the mikes and the chef opened up his sax case. I stepped up to the Mike.

They started a slow bluesy kind of early 70’s jam, with a light brush on the cymbals a very smooth quiet open wing sax lick, a little soul organ music on the keyboard, and the back up singer was vocalizing. I started a very slow almost southern rock style ballad opening.

“She was a laytee, oh yes now, a beautiful laytee, yeah I tell you she was a laytee, you know she was a mysterious laytee, she really tried (oo-oo) she tried to chay-oh yeah she tried to chay-hay-hay-hay-uss me uh ee oh yeah.”

Heavy rythmic guitar lick, like a train rolling out of the station, bass groove being laid down, thumping bass drum beat, building sax lick.

“Oh chay see laytee, you beautiful lady, you really tried to chase, me you really tried to chase me you know tried to chase me. I hid behind a tree I hid behind a tree I hid behind a tree huh hah huh hee hee hee, yeah.”

Long instrumental, extreme lead guitar licks thumping bass and drum, followed by soulful southern style saxophone licks.





About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
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