I was in the gym working out.
The gym was clean and spectacular.
Every piece of equipment was re-positioned, new carpeting, new flat screen TV.
Unfortunately I was joined by the ‘Ghost’ of the No-one Cares Lady! (Hint, she isn’t really dead, it was all mystery dinner-theater. I know some of you actually thought there was a murder at my estate. Really, I’m not one of the Utonic family for heaven’s sake, have some decorum!)
“Botendaddy, you suck. I hate you. No-one cares about you or your stupid reviews or your stupid running or your stupid workouts.”
- 106 Free-weight workouts
- 95 runs (64 Runs plus 31 Races) (People, honestly, treadmill doesn’t count. It’s not a run. It just isn’t. Don’t delude yourself. Indoor tracks count, even the 60-110 yard laps at your fitness club count – it is all human powered running.)
- 31 Distance Races
- Sub 8:00 One Mile three times.
- Sub 17:00 Two Mile.
- Sub 27:00 Three Mile
- Sub 28:00 5k
- No, I did not get the 27:00 5k. (Goal for next year?)
- I ran my last race of the year 11:55 faster than the same race last year (and it was only a 5k.)
- I ran a few trail runs.
- I ran a 15k and a few 10k’s.
- I showed up seven minutes late to one 10k and I passed almost 200 people.
- Fastest Mile, Two Mile, Three Mile and 5k since 2005
- Fastest Four Mile, Five Mile and 10k since 1993.
- I dropped about 85-90 pounds, unfortunately much of it muscle, as I lost about 100 pounds off my bench press.
- I can pass the pushups, situps and two mile run of the Army PT test.
- My BMI is ‘Normal’ and has been for over four months.
- My waist is under 34″.
- My bodyfat is under 14%.”
The NCL was on the treadmill watching ‘Billy Jack’©™® on the flat screen.
“Why can’t you be more like Billy Jack? He’s like a fake Indian, he’s a fake Green Beret, he does Kung Fu, he shoots at people, he kills bad people with a ‘Tai Chi Chop’. He helps out the ugly chick at the school, he does fake Indian rituals, he gives wisdom to stereotypical kids. [Singing badly: ‘One tin soldier rides away.’”
“OK, I’ll do my best.”
“Oh and by the way, when we’re done working out, let’s f&%k. No-one cares if you don’t want to, I mean look at this body? What are you a big sexy h0m0? Take me! Take me now you mis-shapen freak! Make me dirty! Ruin me with your evil bodily fluids!”
Peace be the Botendaddy