Harmony Silvester 5k: 12 Minutes Faster than Last Year

“Last year this time you were big muscle. Big sexy muscle. Now you are ridiculously thin. Your body is delicious but in a different way. How do you run in that massive, delicious adult diaper, anyway?” Said Ramon.

“Look at the true runners, Ramon, the dudes who run 18 minute 5k’s especially the older dudes. They are razor thin, like Flat Stanley. They are definitely at the bottom of BMI normal. For example, this dude I was talking to, my exact height but weighs 150. I’m at BMI 23.7 he’s at 18.5. Think of the word runner, what do you see? Distance runners are not even mid-range BMI, they are sub-20 BMI. They look like runners, football players look like football players, tennis players look like tennis players and so on.” I expounded.


“I suppose you are right. A superlative athlete may run a 24:00 minute 5k, but not sub 20 minutes. It’s too much mass even at low bodyfat. A Munchkin can’t dunk a basketball. Shaq can’t be a jockey.” Offered Ramon.

We started down the hill literally at such a fast sprint I almost caught the lead runners in the first quarter mile. I hit the quarter mile around 99 seconds a 6:40 pace. I ended up running an 8:40 first mile. Not bad not good. I was 18:01 at the second mile.

Ramon continued as I gasped for air.


“No one talks to you at a race, you are correct about the Botendaddy. The women fear you will sully them with shame due to their attraction to you and the men are afraid you will overwhelm them and penetrate their desirous, yielding (CENSORED PA DEPT. OF AGRICULTURE) with red-hot sper@&tozoa.”

“You certainly have an odd perspective, Ramon. But in other words, casual running is OK, but it really compete, I need to be BMI 19.9 or less. That is about 155 I’m afraid. I weigh 199 now. Not sure I want to try that would be about 3.5% bodyfat.”

We were well under 28 minutes at the three mile mark. I was 11:54 faster than last year. It was all about the weight.

“Good run Botendaddy. All of his scandalous talk has filled me with a need to make passionate Latin Love to you.”

“Ramon, while it’s very kind of you, it is somewhat creepy. By the way this is my second fastest 5k in 11 years. Not too shabby.”

“Cinnamon Latte?”

Peace be the Botendaddy


About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
This entry was posted in Critic's Corner, Dining, Exercise, Food, People, Running and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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