Run 1. An unfamiliar High School Track, 3.11 miles.
Run 2. A hill run through the neighborhood, 4.20 miles? 420?
The first run, I was determined to break a 9:00 first mile, it was sadly 9:04. The hill run was 8:54, mostly because I started downhill.
My two-mile time was much better on the track: 19:07, on the roads it was 19:50, a major drop-off.
My three-mile time was on track – almost 30 minutes flat, while on the roads it was terrible.
The way back on the hill run was all uphill from about the 3.25 mile mark, it was horrible. Even being thin doesn’t mean you can run well.
The good news, as of December 23rd, I was only 7.5 miles from my annual goal, my second most miles in my life.
As I ran up the hill on the second run, I was joined by the Voat Fat People Hate Verified Shitlady, the PMWC, the CQ and Heroku.
“You know each of us is 24 or younger. If I may speak for this group, we think guys older than 28 to be disgusting, filthy old creepers. The thought of a man over the age of 28 touching me makes my skin crawl.” Said Heroku.
“Yeah some disgusting Butter hugger neckbeard pawing at my nubile body with their hooves is vile.” Said the VFPHSL.
“Yeah it’s so gross.” Said the PMWC.
“Then why ya all be f&$king the Botendaddy? He’s a billion bleedin’ years old, he is. I think it’s hot, an older man if you ask me.” Mentioned the CQ, coming to the defense of the aged Botendaddy.
“Just because Jamaicans are freaks, don’t put it on us.” Said the VFPHVSL, hoping the CQ couldn’t catch her on the steep hill.
“Why ya be on the Jamaicans? Ya half Island girl ya self, ya stupid twat. Ooh I’m from the VI, look at me! I’m a real American, you Jamaicans live in the bush drink coffee, smoke Ganja and carry machete! F&$k you girl wit ya big head.” Added the Caribbean Queen with an icy death-glare.
“Botendaddy is a 6-6-6-6 but awfully hard to look at. If my dog was as ugly as him I’d shave it’s ass and make it walk backwards.” Said Heroku.
“I’m right here” I reminded them.
“He’s over six feet, his ginormous thing is well over six “””””, his net worth is incalculably huge – i.e., well over six figure annual income and the tanned abs are pretty near a full six-pack.” Said the PMWC.
“He is repulsive. He makes me feel so dirty! Ah the smell of it!” Said Heroku, shuddering with ecstasy as she ran.
“I hate myself. When I’m with him I feel like I’m being punished a penance for my sins.” Said the VFPHVSL.
“I’m still here.” I mentioned.
“Let’s go to Botendaddy’s Mansion and party.” Said the CQ.
Peace be the Botendaddy