45 Trump: Botendaddy, stinks, he’s a bum, I love him, I hate him, get him outta here! He didn’t even make his goal miles for the year. It’s like, what is it December? He’s got 34 miles to go? Lyin’ Botendaddy! Lock him up! Get him outta here!
44 Obama: Botendaddy, thinner, sleeker, faster, sexier, he was clearly hacked by the Russians! He had 29 official distance races this year? Will he make thirty? Look at him, you tell me.
43 Bush II: Botendaddy, hes the decider. Strategery. Bring it on, Botendaddy! 20 5k’s and 9 of longer distances. His longest was a 15k, what is that? Like 72 miles?
42 Clinton: Yeah, Botendaddy. Yeah, hello America, yip, yip yeeehaah! Yeah! Botendaddy, faster, better, stronger …. blah blah blah (30 minutes later) blah blah blah… Yeah! He ran a nude 5k! A NUDE 5k! AWESOME! Hey that…on your plate.. are you gonna eat that?
41 Bush I: Thousand points of light. Operation…Desert…Storm…. Thousand points of light… I’m 94 and unlike him, I don’t have to wear adult diapers. Yet, he still ran a 27:42 5k.
40 Reagan: Well, there he goes again, taxing, spending Botendaddy. Shining City on a Hill. He ran a sub 8 minute mile…twice. Did he have a horse? Well, good night…America.
39 Carter: Hello…America. Botendaddy has a crisis… of confidence. He was unready… or unwilling to run a half marathon. Although, he did run in five states. His running is.. a crisis. An energy crisis. I will send a rescue mission. He is held hostage to his own stupidity.
38 Ford: Let’s hunker down to brass tacks. Botendaddy did run a 26:14 three mile. Whip… Inflation… now…
37 Nixon: I saw many signs on the campaign trail. Botendaddy: commie, pinko, pervert, hippie, subversive. But.. he is not a crook. He ran a 16:56 two mile, his fastest since 2005.
36 LBJ: Mah fellow ‘marricuns. Botenaddy is a national disgrace. We must declare war on Botendaddy. I choose to escalate by pointing out that he ran his fastest 10k since 1981. Hold him up by his ears. Son they all my helicopters!
35 Kennedy: I love chowdah! And Lobstah! Botendaddy lost 90 pounds of hideous fat and all of his muscle. His Bench Press dropped, no lie, 110 pounds. Reminds me of PT-109. Ask not what Botendaddy can do for you. Where’s Marilyn? We choose to go to the moon, in this deh-cade.
34 Eisenhower: Botendaddy is the worst product of the Military Industrial Complex. I am federalizing the National Guard to ensure he gets a real education. He is an obvious communist and friend of Kruschev. He did run for 30 months straight.
33 Truman: Botendaddy? F&%k Botendaddy! He’s a stupid 455h013! The h311 with that idiot c0(k5uck3r! He can go 34t shit! He hasn’t even hit his twice a week yearly workout goal?
32 Roosevelt: We have nothing to fear, but Botendaddy himself. He will not meet his ration of 100 runs. He is working against the civil defense. He didn’t earn any of the four freedoms.
31 Hoover: Four Third in Age Class, one Second in Age Class? And they said I sucked? This can cause depression!
30 Coolidge: The business of America… is Botendaddy! He finally found other people to run with. But did they want to run with him?
Professor: Botendaddy… WAKE THE F&$K UP No sleeping in the Writer’s Workshop Well, there’s no-one else still here. The classroom is empty. Now f&$k me, damn you!
Peace be the Botendaddy