Doing a Kabuki Dance with the Reticle: a miserable Five & 4/10 Mile Run

“Botendaddy, I swear that you only do some posts just to put some weird phrase of yours out into cyberspace, like ‘slown down’, Osawaowow, Arthuricide and ‘Doing a Kabuki dance with the Reticle.” Said the librarian.

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Deadly Water Tower

We ran on surface streets in a sub-rural neighborhood. It was ungodly cold, I had no energy and there were some very steep hills.

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Yes it’s cold.

My first mile was horrible, I went slow on purpose because I didn’t feel like running fast. I ran my way into each cul-de-sac and back out. A few of them had remarkably steep hills.

Sir Chancellor Lord Wm. The Right Honorable Earl of Chatham Pitt Esquire

Sir Chancellor Lord Wm. The Right Honorable Earl of Chatham Pitt Esquire

Sometimes I just run to pad my distance stats for the year. By the end of my run I needed to be 23 miles from my annual goal, making it the second most miles ever.

The fountain of all evil: the shrieking head of demonic Wilson destroyer of all that is sacred and conjured of fabulous Yog Sothoth

The fountain of all evil: the shrieking head of demonic Wilson destroyer of all that is sacred and conjurer of fabulous Yog Sothoth

The librarian was quiet for most of the run, thank god.

“Your blog sucks. It’s boring, repetitive crap. Does anyone even read this anymore? Why do I even run with you?”

“Because it’s impossible to find anyone to run with, that’s why. And you want a blog? Here it is:

  1. Dining – The key to maintaining weight is no huge meals. Snacking won’t kill you but huge snacks and huge meals will.
  2. Exercise – Sometime run for distance and run for elevation training, not for time.
  3.  Fashion – It’s so f*&king cold, I have to wear UnderArmour™ thin, black long-johns things.
  4. Food – Pick a calorie count well below your BMR once you;ve reached your goal weight, so even cheating won’t kill you.
  5. People – See above, IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND ANYONE TO RUN WITH.
  6. Technology – The MapMyRun App still sucks, it ‘Paused’ again for no reason. FIX THIS ALREADY FOR F&%K’S SAKE!
  7. Weather – yes, you can run in the cold, but get new running shoes so you have grip. Cover your head and your neck or you will freeze your weird neck glands and get sick.”

“I am a woman. I am considered a very attractive woman. You are disgustingly repulsive. You are ugly to the very soul. You are stupid and boring. Make love to me now. I yearn for you tragically. Fill me with your demonic Wilsonian man-juices you carnival sideshow freak!

“Mocha?”

Peace be the Botendaddy

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About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
This entry was posted in Critic's Corner, Dining, Exercise, Fashion, Food, People, Running, Technology, Weather and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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