I Hate the Song “Hallelujah”, Anorexia vs. Obesity and the 5 Mile Park Run

Hiroku was broken up about the death of Leonard Cohen. We were, stretching, getting ready to do the five mile museum-campus-park-campus run circuit.

“I don’t know who Leonard Cohen was, I know he wrote the song “Hallelujah”

Hiroku was doing toe touches in front of me, deliberately rubbing her 455 against my unspeakable regions.

“He was a Canadian national icon. Born in Quebec, order of Canada, we loved him.” Said Hiroku, (wistfully).

“I’m sure he was very talented. He looked kind of like Spock. He was some sort of 60’s ladies man too I think. But I hate, HATE, HATE that f*&king song. I also hate Shrek™. The song is overplayed, overblown, makes no sense and is boring, sorry I just hate it.”

We ran past the kids and old folks waiting for the library doors to open. It was a beautiful, bright, late Autumn morning. The orange and red leaves still clung to the trees.

“You suck Botendaddy. You have no taste, no soul. I want to punch your fat face.”

We ran across the bridge towards the conservatory, a giant 1890’s greenhouse of wondrous and mysterious plants.

“So, why am I the bad guy because I don’t like something everyone else likes? I hate the song, I’m sorry. I liked Starbucks™ Orange Mocha, but stupid losers don’t like orange so I can’t get an orange Mocha anymore. So I suffer too. I also hate Billy Joel. I really hate the song Piano Man. I do like Buffet though and I don’t know why. I also like those Uma Thurman Munsters guys – they’re pretty good. Oh, I hate Beyonce and Kanye. Who the f&*k is Kanye? He’s like a fake celebrity like Rula Lenska or Louis Jardin or Lindsay Lohan. I can’t name a single piece of music he ever made. I liked Snoop and 2Live Crew though. I really liked Digital Underground. Hated Whitney, love Aretha.”

9:02 for the first mile. Terrible. 19:40 for mile two. Albeit from 0.25 to .083 it’s all up hill as it is from 0.95-2.00 all uphill, so 19:40 isn’t terrible. Small, fast swole’, sexy young people ran past us briskly.

“You’re such a fu*%ing idiot. Why do I hang out with you? I’m 25, is my life really that meaningless? I’m young, I have a great body, I’m attractive, I’m talented, but I hang out with you, you f&%king creepy, Mr. Burns, you Crypt-Keeper, you shitty, old decrepit, aged Frankenstein, although you have a great, tanned muscular body, an enormous, massive, torqued-out {CENSORED – PA DEPT. OF AGRICULTURE PA CONS STAT 87-301(a) stroke 32 of March 11, 1926} a mansion and an unlimited supply of money you spend on me from time to time, but you don’t buy anything cool with it. No great vacations, no fancy cars, not even new clothes.”

Three miles, we hit about 30:50, not great. Our 5k time of 32:01 was also weak.

“I sat next to a college girl last night while I was doing research. She had anorexia. She was beautiful. Auburn hair, about 5’2″maybe 105, not bony. I overheard her a bit talking to her friend. It was sad. No-one should look down on people with anorexia. A lot of overweight people do, but it’s the same problem in reverse and it can literally kill you just the same. Starvation, organ damage, depression. She was saying how a dietitian said to her, ‘just eat more’. That’s like a dietitian telling an overweight person – ‘just eat less’. If it was that easy they could both do it, right? She seemed like a very pretty, intelligent, interesting girl. Why can’t everybody just love everybody?”

Four miles, about 42:30, we had to weave our way across the urban campus, down back alleys and side streets, in and out of the afternoon sun to make five miles. The damned iPhone lost battery at 4.66 miles. WTF? I started with 80%?”

She followed me into the deserted university men’s locker room at the old gymnasium.


Late Autumn

“Well, for some people, there is never enough, Yon Botendaddy. You can be attractive, well-built, smart, together and still hate yourself. But you don’t have that problem. You are ugly, creepy, freakish, stupid, unintelligent, uninteresting, ancient, depraved…yet, you love yourself. I am madly, passionately in love with you. I want you to sully me, make me feel dirty, flood me everywhere with your demonic bodily fluids, OH DEL.IC.IO.US SHAME! I SING THE BODY ELECTRIC!!! F&%k me now you hideous freak! F&%k me! F&%k me! F&%k me! GOD! I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU!” She shrieked.


Peace be the Botendaddy




About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
This entry was posted in Critic's Corner, Dining, Exercise, Food, People, Running and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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