“I hate those click-bait headlines.” Said the stalker as we ran along the trail. They are meant to be attention-grabbing. The first few times you look, you feel stupid. Then you stop looking but you somehow feel stupid for even being interested in the first place.
“You know, no matter how hard I run, I’m still barely breaking a 9 minute mile. It makes no sense. I still think I’m just not running as hard as I need to. I’m never going to break 60 minutes in an official 10k unless I drop my first mile under 8 minutes.”
I crossed the first mile marker at 8:58. Was I even tired? I decided to run hard to stay under 20 for the two mile. Did I even feel tired? Was I just slacking?
“So, they have a photo and a story-line. It’s no different than the old journalism, right? Attention-grabbing headline? Extra, extra read all about it? You never know which one you will fall for, right?”
We turned around at the old train tunnel. I was under 20 minutes for the two mile but not by much. We decided to go for broke and see if we could break a 30 minute three-miler. We barely did it and our 5k time was 31 flat. No good at all. I needed another 26-something to have a bare chance at a 60 minute 10k.
“Plus what about all the cover ads when you actually try to read stuff? Or the paywalls? Or having to slowly click through 27 pages of Beetus just to read some top-25 list? What about when the story isn’t even really about what it claimed to be? Or it’s nothing new?”
We had a very solid chance at breaking a 40 minute 4 mile. Once again, I calculated we needed to be under 37 minutes at the four mile mark to have a prayer of hitting 59:59.
“You know, kid, I’ve been training essentially for a fast four mile run. Once I’m consistently under 40 I’m going to shoot for a 48 minute five-miler If you hit 48 at the five mile, psychologically you can kick the last mile maybe break the hour. Maybe it’s just a training process like any other but my first mile just is rancid.”
We were doing well, close to 35 minutes at the 3.5 mile mark. We had a chance, but the last quarter was to be all uphill.
“Eating this gross thing will cure Dia-Beetus or try this one weird tip to lose weight. Whatever happened to Bat-Boy?”
“40:20. Not good not bad, but not in the 30s.”
“I’d like to try your ‘one weird tip’ again Yon Botendaddy…”
Peace be the Botendaddy