Fast Four Miles on a Slow Uphill Run

She showed up at the writer’s workshop on Tuesday night. Blonde, curly, unkempt hair, kind of a big chunky girl, but she looked athletic at the same time.

“Eng Fro, Léif Monsieur. Ech sinn e freaky Luxembourg Meedchen. Sidd Dir de berühmten Botendaddy? Ech schonn verléift mat Iech Madly.”

Ah, a Luxembourgeoise girly, I thought.

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The writer’s sky

“Jo ech, Kand, wat ass Är Numm?”

I am Helene. I am here to study English Writing.

“Awesome. But I must warn you, most of the people in the Workshop are insane.”

“That is why I am here. I read your stories on the wonderful Botendaddy site. It was voted the number one obscure site in Europa. It won the ‘Slim Whitman’ award for best personnage no-one ever heard of before.”

“No sh!t!”

THE TRAIL: TODAY HIGH NOON

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The trailhead

It was a solid run. All uphill for 2.25 miles.A little over 9 minutes for the first mile, not great. A little under 20 for the second mile so-so. A little under 31 for the third mile. It was hot, 81 degrees. In late October. I hate the heat, it ‘slown’ me down again.

I felt someone’s presence behind me at about the 5k mark. It was downhill since the turnaround point. It was Helene.

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The trail

“I’ve been following you the entire way. You are too sexy in real life. Do ya want this bodee? Léif Botendaddy, Sir? I want to serve you in every manner possible, EVERY MANNER POSSIBLE, do you get it? Do you get it?”

We ran past people pushing baby carriages and elderly walkers.

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An Autumn Day

“Have some decorum, weird Luxemburgeoise. This ain’t Europa (Pronounced Oy-Row-Pah) You know I’m having trouble staying on the diet. It’s like a drug addiction. It’s almost impossible to stop eating.”

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The woods

She followed me to my car. She wasn’t a bad runner. Very strong. I finished under 42 minutes. I tried to get rid of her… alright, you know what happened. I f&^%ed her, alright?

Chile Latte?

Peace be the Botendaddy

 

 

 

 

 

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About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
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