Run Shadyside 5k: Fastest Three Mile in 31 Years

I was running with the entire ‘Race Team 2000’. It’s right down the road from the University, so they were all there:

Race Numbers

Race Numbers

  • Swole’ Bro’
  • The CEO
  • The Librarian
  • The Stalker
  • Ramon
  • The Voat FPH Verified Sh!tlady
The Finish

The Finish

  • Hiroku
  • The Park Ranger
  • The Punker-Model-Writer-Chick
  • The Professor
  • The Caribbean Queen
  • The Weird Foreign Doctor Girl
  • Chief Guyasuta
  • Devon


I ran with the dude holding the 8:00 sign. My goal was to keep up.

I lost a little time at the start. I did not run full speed this time. I tried for a solid pace. I easily hit 3:59 for the first half mile. So, I went for it on the downhill slope. 7:58 mile, fastest since 2005.


The Preparation

Next, I shattered my 2 mile record since 2005 – 16:56.

My three mile time was 26:15, my fastest since: 1985.

Finally, the 5k: I broke 28 minutes easily, a sub 9:00 pace.


The Beetus Table

I finished in the top half of all runners.

I was well into the top 40% of my age group.

I still finished behind a lot of people though.

The Pacer

The Pacer

I think only breaking 24:00 will put me into the serious category.

My goal is less than a minute away?

The Race

The Race

Can I break 27:00 before the year is out? I am close. Stay tuned.

As we ran up the hill towards the three mile mark everyone on race team 2000 chimed in.

“How can you run so fast in that enormous adult diaper?” Asked the weird foreign Doctor Girl.

“Why can’t you just man up and run harder, you had a lot left in the tank.” Said the PMWC.

The runners head to the finish

The runners head to the finish

“You have no, like goals, man. You’re like flabby, brah’ you should be like 21.5 BMI, not 23.9. Your bench totally dropped like 75 pounds, dude.” Said the Swole bro’.

“He’s a fat Hamplanet, Lardvaark, Scooty-Puff, Obeast, McBeetus, Deathfat! ZERO BMI YOU FAT-FAT-FATTY! DIE! DIE! DIE! ZERO BMI” Shrieked the Voat Fat People Hate Verified Sh!tlady.

“Why don’t you shut the f&*k up you stupid mental case, before I beat the living dogsh$t out of you, stupid verified whatever lady. You f&*king moron. Everyone said he couldn’t do it. They said he couldn’t lose 90 pounds. They said he couldn’t break an eight minute mile. They said he couldn’t run a sub 9 minute pace 5k, and his body looks pretty damn good for any age, you stupid ass-face.” Said the stalker.


The urban racing scene

“He’s” Said Ramon and the Park Ranger simultaneously.


It’s the old clock tower, Marty!

“Ditto that. You shut shut up Voat-girl” Said the Librarian.

“Me big chief. You sad, *hot*, paleface.” Said Guyasuta.

“Botendaddy-san run like ‘Super-Puff-Glow-Wizard-Happy-Face-Snowflake’ furry-animé-cosplay-comicon-neckbeard person.” Said Hiroku.

“Idiot.” Muttered the Professor.

“Why do I associate with you morons?” Asked the CQ.

“Good form, though, but seriously you can run harder.” Added Devon.

“I’d like to give him a prostate exam.” Added the CEO.

“Iced Cinnamon Latte?”

Peace be the Botendaddy


About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
This entry was posted in Critic's Corner, Dining, Exercise, Food, Running and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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