Clarion, PA United Way 10k

I wasn’t supposed to run this race.

I was going to run a 14k Trail run in the Allegheny National Forest.

I got there and there was no-one to be found.

It was a cluster of deserted park building and seemingly abandoned cars.

No runners, no signs, no registration tables.

So, I headed to the College town of Clarion. Very nice.

58 degrees at race start. Thank Khufu!

The cause

The cause

I ran my first mile in 8:38.

Two mile time of 18:17, good enough to pass the APFT for someone age 37.

Fastest Four, Five and Six Mile times in years.

Fastest 10k since 1993.

The PBR Gong

The PBR Gong

I’ve noticed that the dividing line between the 5k and the 10k separates the good runners from the casual runners.

My place was absolutely atrocious. Well near the bottom.

A 10k by nature is much more competitive than a 5k.

At the three mile mark, I was joined by the CEO!

She was keeping up a good pace.

“Hi Botendaddy. You look good, but you are still a terrible runner. Being thin won’t make you a good runner.”

The start

The start

We were joined by Ramon.

“Ah cool weather! Finally! It reminds me of Las Pampas and my hateful f49-bashing, shitlording father. But yes, what do you weigh now?”

“Here are my stats.” I said as we passed the four mile mark.

  • Height: 6’3½”
  • Weight: 195.2
  • BMI: 24.1
  • BMR: 1871
  • Body-fat: 16%
  • Waist: 34″

“So”, said the CEO, “You can lose 7% of muscle per decade after the age of 30. You lift, so maybe it’s 5%, but even so, you are higher body-fat at 195 at your age than you were at 24. You were probably 12% body-fat or less at the same weight back then. So you are carrying as much excess fat as when you weighed about 225 back in the day.”

The race director

The race director

We were running Indian file, with the third runner pacing to the front to try to keep up speed.

“Also…” Added Ramon. “Supposed your mid range BMI of 21.5 is 174 pounds at your height. So to be mid-range, you have to weigh 174. But assume loss of about 10-12% of muscle. Ah muscle! The smell of it! You might have to weigh as low as 160 at your height to have a sufficiently low body-fat percentage.”

We ran past the 5 mile marker. The MapMyRun was almost accurate to the mile despite the three unwanted ‘pauses’.

The registration

The registration

“Thus…” Continued the CEO. “Your running really won’t improve until you first get down to mid-range BMI which is about 175 pounds, then get down to minimal body-fat which is around 160 pounds even at your height. You are just much bigger than the average runner. Look at the men in this 10k, you are just under 200 pounds and you are bigger than almost very single man in the field. This ain’t no 5k, fatty.”

The stadium

The stadium

We ran through the cemetery.

“She is correct. The field in a 10k is much more fit and much thinner than the field for a 5k. Almost no casual runners at all. You just don’t look like a runner yet, even though you do look like an athlete. Think about the value of losing another 25 pounds of fat, let alone 35, that is a huge percentage of remaining body-weight. Of course you will run faster.”

“Look, this is boring, let’s go to my cabin in Cook Forest and let’s take turns making love to the Botendaddy.”

“Iced Mocha?”

Peace be the Botendaddy



About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
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