I ran as fast as I could. As fast as I could. An 8:43 mile. Pathetic. What would it take? I decided to do a steep hill run in the lonely hill country on the last day of summer.
I started chugging up the hill and there she was! The Voat Fat People Hate Verified Shitlady! Was there no escape? Is there balm in Gilead?
“How the hell did you find me out here, you crazy twat?”
“Allow me to educate you, you Fat Hamplanet, with your discolored Beetus skin!”
1. Doxxing: The online act of uncovering or revealing a person’s real-life identity so as to win an online argument, dispute or debate. Usually performed by butt-hurt neckbeards or razor-thin Shitlords. Example: You are the Oneonta Physician known as Colonel Otsego.
2. Brigading: The online act of flooding a post with comments so as to influence a debate in one’s favor, usually performed by furries, anime lovers, WoW players and Voat FPH Shitladies. Example: overwhelming an HAES advocates online post, like on your shitty Botendaddy site, you McBeetus, Crisco-Demon, Pig-f*cker.
3. Shitlording: The online act of verbally abusing overweight people or publicly so acting or harassing the same in order to fatshame them into a healthy lifestyle. Example: you are a Deathfat, Butter-Golem.
4. Catfishing: Where someone presents a false online persona to trick or deceive unsuspecting online readers or subscribers. Example: you are a mini-moon, butter-huffer, Scooty-puff rider who claims to run 5k’s and have Normal BMI.
I stopped and I grabbed the VFPH Shitlady by the shoulders. I spun her around. We were on a secluded road near an abandoned farm.
“Did you just insult my long-lost love, the beautiful Anabel Lee? Did you just call her a pig?”
I must have terrified her with the stony look on my face. She began to weep, shake and urinate uncontrollably.
“No I wasn’t referring to Annabel Lee. I would never insult your Annabel Lee. I would never do any Shitlording on Annabel Lee. I know how much you loved her. She was beautiful. I saw her portrait in the mansion. She was low-BMI!”
“OK I believe you, now let’s finish this run.”
The heat soared to about 85 in the relentless, savage sun. She turned to me as she ran.
“You know why they never Doxx or Brigade you, right? It’s because they don’t want your hit counters to rise or to drive traffic to your site by inadvertent internet marketing. It’s because you support their freedom of speech even though they hate you.”
“I was wondering.”
“Do you forgive me, you bloated lard-barge? After I shower my filthy, urine-soaked ladyparts, will you make love to me?”
Peace be the Botendaddy
P.S. She was wrong, I’m not Otsego.