It was my 80th lifetime Organized Distance Race.
The Determination Dash 5k was one of my race disasters last year. I looked terrible, I was a million pounds overweight and my time sucked.
This year: Second in Age Class!
In top 40% of finishers!
I dropped my damn glasses again at the start.
I beat last year’s time by 10 minutes and three seconds.
That’s in a 5k.
I barely missed breaking 30 minutes.
I dropped my glasses again at the start. Easily the difference in the race. At least 20 seconds.
The ill-fated MapMyRun App froze so I couldn’t even start it for like three minutes.
At any rate. My first mile seemed fast. It was somewhere around 8:30, I think.
My second mile also fast. It did start on a hill, but I was ready for it. I just could have run a much faster race if I hadn’t dropped my glasses…again. Maybe I should run without them.
At the mile mark, I was joined by Hiroku and the Swole’ Bro’. They were running together.
“What’s up yon Botendaddy?”
“So are you and the Swole’ Bro’ a thing now?”
“Sure, why not.” She said, breathing effortlessly as she ran.
“So, like, old brah’, so like Hiroku is like cool, you know she’s like a fitness PX997 chick, you know. So like, we can work out. She’s not like lame, like a neckbeard.”
I grabbed a cup of water from the volunteer.
“What the hell is a neck-beard?”
“It’s like a young dude, who has like a beard on his neck and he wears a fedora, and he likes plays like videos games all the time in his basement.” Said Swole’ Bro’.
“Yes, and he usually likes animé but I’m not sure he would fit in in Japan.” Added Hiroku. So you ran a good race. You could have won your age class if you hadn’t screwed up, you’re such a moron Botendaddy.”
Peace be the Botendaddy