“My god, you still just can’t do it, can you. What is wrong with you?”
Asked the Librarian as she paced effortlessly next to me.
“Well here is the latest tale of the tape.
- My height was officially measured today, I am 6’3½”, an inch taller than I thought.
- Weight: 196.8
- BMI: 24.27
- Waist 33.99″
- Body-fat: 15%
- BMR: 1838 calories
- Heart rate: 46 bpm
- Blood Pressure: 110/80
- Tan: Fading, but still good
- Skin: Perfect”
We ran up a hill. I thought I was going as fast as I could but my legs felt like lead, I couldn’t move. The humidity was a staggering 92% temperature was around 77.
“I know what it is dear Botendaddy:
- The hills. Any elevation kills you, especially the ¾-mile long slow uphill start and the other slight hills. You just don’t have the leg strength.
- Solution: Run further, run more hills, lower body lifting and eat more protein.
- The humidity. Your body can’t take it, it makes you uncomfortable and psychologically it wears you down.
- Drink more fluids before you run.
- The heat. Your body is meant for cold weather, it can’t regulate your temperature whenever it’s over about 60°.
- Run in the heat of the day.
“Librarian? My mile time was under 9 minutes, but weak. My two mile would have had me pass the APFT for my age group, but it was weak. My three mile time was just over 30, not satisfactory. My 5k time under 32, not strong. 2:28 slower than my last 5k. Terrible. I am sweating uncontrollably. I did eat a Beetus™ brand energy bar, 90 calories total and I consumed 5 chewable baby aspirin before the run. After the run I ate a 200 calorie Lardvaark™ energy bar. At any rate, it was the fastest time I’ve ever done on this course and I’ve run it many times, but I just don’t have the juice yet.”
“Shut up and come back to my place and f*&k me, you idiot. Can’t you see that I’m crazy about you?”
“Hey, chick, it was a top 50% finish. Maybe the worm has turned?”
“Vanilla iced mocha?”
Peace be the Botendaddy