BMI Normal Achieved and the Attack of the Voat FPH Verified Sh!tlady

I weighed myself.

198 pounds.

image

BMI Normal: 198 pounds

I couldn’t quite believe it.

BMI normal!

Height: 6’2-1/2″

Weight: 198 pounds

Loss: 87 pounds

Waist: 33.875″

Body-fat: 14.75%

BMI: 24.9 ‘Normal’

I was alone in the men’s shower at the University, or I thought I was.

Ye olde University Gym

Ye olde University Gym

There she was! Completely naked standing behind the scale!

“Nice job you Shit-demon, mayo-dumpster, Amerihamus Gringoscootipus!”

“What the hell are you doing in here?” I demanded.

She stood her ground, hands on hips, she was dripping from just stepping out of the men’s shower. She was clearly more insane than ever.


Ye olde bycke racke

Ye olde bycke racke

“I sneaked in during the storm. It was a torrential downpour, you FUPA-face mayogender. Now that you are on the very upper edge of BMI Normal, guess what that makes you.”

I was too old to go jumping into lockers or to cover my massive, masculine, enormity.

“Please, I know you will tell me….”

The tree of knowledge

The tree of knowledge

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT!! You cardio-evader! Hambeast! DIE! DIE! DIE! May Lord Beetus take you! HATE! HATE! HAAAAATE! You shitty Crisco-Demon! DIE! DIE! DIE! You HAES, FA, Fat-Enabling-Pig-f*cker! DIE! DIE! DIE! AMPUTATION! PCOS! SLEEP APNEA! DIE! DIE! DIE!”

The University Promenade

The University Promenade

I put my hand over her mouth.

“Stop! You’ll get us arrested! I could lose my research grants, you f*cking nitwit, psycho-hose beast!”

“You must become mid-range BMI! You must weigh 166! You are a skinny-fat ham-planet despite the obvious tanned six-pack and Adonis strip and that omfg massive, gnarled, ginormous {CENSORED}! Take me now you slobbering McBeetus!”

The noise attracted the one person still remaining in the building during the storm. It was Ramon! He was also completely naked and posing as he strolled up. First he looked at the Voat FPH Verified Sh!tlady, then at me.

“What, may I ask Senorita, could you possibly be doing in the men’s locker room? You must leave at once, you icky, drippy, stinky girl-person. You must leave me alone with this red-*hot* delicious Botendaddy.” He gave the VFPHVSL a look of disdain, then he turned to me.

” I see you have lost even more weight, delectable Botendaddy, you are like the Dorian Gray! I must make passionate love to you at once!”

The Voat Lady’s eyes narrowed on Ramon as she dug in for the kill.

“I saw him first, you stupid over-BMI Swole-beast! Muscle or not, you’ll still have a heart attack and Beetus, you bumpy Argentine cretin with your stupid Gaucho accent. You will ride the Scooty-Puff at McBeetus! Ooh look at me I’m so sexy I’m from Argentina! Bleeecch! I could vomit! You are NSFL!”

Massive red tower

Massive red tower

“Oh shut your foul mouth you quasi-American wannabe Janqui proto-Caribbean anti-social psycho-hose-beast! His buttocks are mine! I will duel with you for his honor!” Ramon countered.

“Oh please, really? Wannabe Carribbean Yanqui? I am red-blooded American born V.I. territorial you foreign f*ck! I will rip your sh!tty 84115 off!” Shrieked the VFPHVSL.

I escaped into the hallway as they tangled in the nude, where I encountered… the Stalker! It was awkward, as I was completely naked. She leapt up on my person, wrapping her legs around me shrieking:

“Thank you Earth Mother Athena for this delicious man-bounty!”

“Hazelnut Mocha?”

Peace be the Botendaddy

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About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
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