The Banana Run 5k Revisited: A Blistering Pace?

The numbers tell the story:

Today’s Run:

  • Mile 1: 8:35
  • Mile 2: 18:41
  • Mile 3: 28:11
  • Finish: 29:16
  • Overall: Barely missed the top half.


  • Height: 6’2½”
  • Weight: 203.2
  • Waist Size: 34.75
  • Total Weight Lost: 80.8 pounds.
  • BMI: 25.7 (Normal is 24.9, Highest Life Expectancy is 27)
  • Body-fat Percentage: 15.0%
  • Tan: Perfect

The crowd: much bigger than expected. I guess everyone wanted a Banana split.

The volunteers were nice and well-organized.

They were out of shirts and there was no swag – sad.

The course: One of the flattest in Pennsylvania.

The prep: five baby aspirin and one 100 calorie Muscle Milk.

The race: I started near the front. I thought I had a good shot at the eight minute mile. Am I running as fast as I possibly can? I’m not sure. My half-mile split was like 4:02, still way too slow. My mile was 8:35. I held my own for the second mile and even the third mile, but I’m just not fast enough.

I did beat all the run-walk-run people again. I swear I will never finish behind anyone who has to walk during a 5k ever again. I also raced a young lady for the last half mile and I did sprint past her. I would have faded in the past. It would have been nice to break 29 flat though. Maybe next time.

The steep hill running is starting to pay off. I have to crush my lungs.

It’s also psychological. I’m too focused on just surviving when I have way too much left in the tank. They key is the eight minute mile.

I noticed someone crossing the finish line right behind me. It was the Professor!

“Hello, yon Botendaddy. You are looking exceptionally scrumptious today. Your tanned, tall body is delicious. Is it true that you are a 6 x 4?”

I sat on a low wall by a picket fence after the finish line.

“What the hell is a 6 x 4?”

  • 6 figure income
  • 6 pack abdominals
  • 6 feet tall
  • 6 inches+ {CENSORED}

These are old gal standards of course.”

“That’s oddly offensive.”


The race photographer

“I know you don’t have any standards, let’s see if I can recite them:

  • Gender: Female, Arguably Female, Dressed as Female, Born of a Female…
  • Height: 4’6″-6’4″
  • Weight: 95-395
  • Age: 18 – 88
  • Race: Any
  • Ethnicity: Any
  • Physical Condition: Alive (or close)
  • Marital Status: Any
  • Annual Income: $0.00 and up
  • Education: Some
  • Profession: Not currently incarcerated or involuntarily committed.”

“Very funny, Professor”


The course

“Enough stupid chatter, Botendaddy. Make love to me now and make it good, make me all wet and slimy and defiled, you filthy pervert.”


Peace be the Botendaddy


About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
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