Prospect Chiefs 5k, Butler PA

Prologue: It is definitely rural. More rural than the last race. This time we are starting in the cornfields. I will prime myself with five baby aspirin and a protein drink. Oxygen uptake. That’s the entire problem. This will be on only 33 hours rest as well.


The scene

It was my fastest Two Mile time of the year: 18:22. Pretty solid time. Well under the two-mile time needed for a younger age group. My one mile time was my second fastest of the year at 8:28, just two seconds off of my fastest time. The course was relatively flat and the temperature was 74 degrees. I drank a 100 calorie Muscle Milk™ and I took 400mg of baby aspirin before I started. (Do not take aspirin without the advice of your physician).



The race was well-organized. I liked the shirt. (I’m wearing it now). It’s for a good cause. We had runners from Tennessee and Massachusetts.

I had a real feeling of endurance this time. Like I could almost run as fast as I wanted to. That is the key to a successful run. I never felt like I was dogging it. I had that extra edge. I even sprinted the last 200 yards again, I kicked with a half-mile to go. My last mile was a disappointing 11:05. I suppose I could have left more out on the track, but it was good.


The club

I crushed all of the walk-run-walk people. No offense, but that is one of my goals, because I never walk during a race. I also beat the jogging stroller people. I beat almost all of the old guys for once.

So, running close to 30:00 puts me in a slightly different category. It seems like 30:00 is the dividing line between strong runners and beginning/learning/rehabilitating runners. I want to run sub 30:00 consistently. But really its only an 9:45 mile. Not brilliant, but solid.


The course

A 27:00 5k puts you almost always in the top half of the runners in a given race. It means you are pretty damn good, male or female. This is about an 8:45 mile. Fairly quick.

The next dividing line is around 24:00, those are not only serious runners, but runners with some natural ability. This is a 7:45 mile, very quick for almost any age group.

The course ran down a country road between corn-fields. I could hear the squawk of chickens, the cock-a-doodle-doo of a belligerent red rooster and the bleating of goats. The course was almost flat, thank god. So my hill problem didn’t kick me in the face again.


The queue

All in all a good run. Dear readers if you want a good rural Pennsylvania run with a chance to run your PBR and help a good cause, you should try this one.

She crept up on me at the end of the race. It was the stalker!

“Hi Botendaddy. So you have now lost 79 pounds? Your tan is awesome. You are magnificent.”

She sniffed at me inhaling dramatically in creepy stalker fashion.

“You know, I swear it is oxygen uptake. The aspirin, running more often.”

She ignored me, not even pretending to listen.

“I can almost see the entire six-pack, how ‘300’© of you. You weigh 205.4? Your waist? 35-1/8″ You have only 5.5 pounds to go to normal BMI, but maybe you are already there because you are almost 6’3” I will let that psycho Verified Voat Fat People Hate Shitlady figure that out in her scrambled brain. That was a solid run today. You know we will all be back in class soon, pursuing our Masters and PhD’s. The Writer’s Workshop will be in session. We can all get together at the Cathedral basement cross-roads and have a cup of Java.”

We sat on a log beyond the finish line. The stalker was in prime form. Her body was lean and sweaty. Her running outfit skin-tight.  I think she’s about half my age, but I don’t really know. I don’t really have a thing for younger women. They lack texture, not in the physical sense, but in the more ethereal sense.


The finish line

“I suppose. I wish I had run faster on the final mile though. I thought I had a good pace. I guess I was just content with getting the sub 30:00 three miles. I could have been under 30:00 for the 5k today. My lungs feel better when I run more frequently, but my knee and my back are killing me from running two often. I do have a chance for my second most mileage ever this year.”


The Grand Army of the Republic

“That’s all very exciting yon Botendaddy. I have my travel van here. Make love to me. I heard what you did to the librarian. You disgusting lustful pig. You better do one better on me.”

“Spiced Latte?”

Peace be the Botendaddy


About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
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