I had not seen the guru of Race Team 2000 for many years. He met me at the trail-head with his van.
“Ah Botendaddy! My first disciple. I remember the day that I met you running on Thermal Road. I was young then. When I was young, I sought running shoes. Do you know the riddle of running shoes my boy?”
The guru was now levitating. His long white beard floating majestically.
“Yes the riddle of running shoes. Shoes are not strong, not as strong as the foot that wields it!”
The guru used an old-fashioned stopwatch. I used the ridiculous MapMyRun App which once again’paused’ after the one mile mark. We ran through the old train tunnel. It was build by oppressed left-handed homosexual Irish train workers back in the 1850’s. It was cool in the tunnel, but 88 out on the trail.
“Your performance at the 15k trail run was atrocious. You lost focus and you lacked inner peace. Plus you got lost twice like an idiot. Your running is still atrocious because you have not found a way to get your step pace to 90 for a consistent period of time. You must train for speed and heart rate. You must first win the battle against yourself before you can beat the course.”
We ran 4.71 miles. I beat last year’s mileage. It was the most miles in a year since 2008 and the fourth most runs in a year…ever. It is still only August! I decided that the guru was right. I need to train for speed and train hard. I had to get the eye…. four beats…. of the Tiger.
The guru was sitting on top of his car smoking eggplant out of a giant hookah. He smiled and nodded like Yoda.
Peace be the Botendaddy