“The last 15k I ran was in Morgantown West Virginia on Balloon Day.
It was horrible. I swear to god it was uphill the entire way. The last mile was the worst. It was uphill to the Mountaineer Arena or whatever the hell it was called.
There were balloons in the sky everywhere. I being an Army guy caught up with a couple of other Army guys at mile 8. Even though I was young and thin and I ran the damn thing in about 85 minutes, they still Shitlorded me as I ran up the mountain. I weighed about 225 back then. I basically ran their arrogant, loudmouth hindquarters into the ground.”
The librarian quietly contemplated my long, boring story.
“So you are going to try to use a hydration pack and gel packs tomorrow? I’m afraid it means you just aren’t strong enough to run a 15k. It been 23 years. You are old and scary since I’ve seen you last, Del Gue or Jeremiah Johnson or whatever you are O’ muscular Botendaddy. You have lied to your readers. You weren’t fat before you lost all this weight, you were big muscle, you just wanted to be lean so you could run faster, you supreme bullshit artist.”
I sat on the bench in the park. There was a steady rain.
“Look my readers won’t know. No one ever reads this blog anyway. It’s got no traffic. Plus they don’t pay attention to earlier posts. They’ll just think I was totally fat or something. I mean who the hell would ever believe any of this crap.”
We walked under a large tree as the rain continued.
“So the water stations aren’t enough? These power outages you are having. Is it nutrition? Did you lose too much muscle? Go ahead try the water and the gel packs. I’ll be too far ahead of you. Don’t die out there on the trail. You know we are way out in the park. Make love to me now. Fill me with your ancient spermatozoa. No one will see us.”
Peace be the Botendaddy