I was sitting in the club by myself. I scare people. They never approach me. I can have total solitude in a public place. But not today.
Hiroyuki walked by and saw me in the window. She was playing the horrific ‘Rokemon Go’ a shitty Korean knock-off of the even more idiotic Pokemon Go. She was with two small women.
“Hi Botendaddy! Where have you been? Let me introduce my mom and sister.”
The two women bowed low in a phony insincere Hollywood-style Japanese groveling gesture.
“You fat, Lardvaark, obeast, Ham-planet American devil! BMI too beaucoup, too beaucoup.”
I bowed low in homage to their complete and utter bullshit.
“Hiroyuki, now I understand why you are crazy.”
I whispered in her ear.
She whispered back giving a wary eye to her relatives.
“Yes now you see. My entire family are fat-hating Voat Asian Shitlords. According to FPH, Asians make the very best shitlords because of the ancient culture and a willingness to engage in rude, socially inappropriate behavior. They think everyone over BMI 20 should be subject to a Bataan-style death march.”
“I did something weird today, Hiro. I bought multi-vitamins. I also got gel energy pack things for my upcoming 15k. The experience yesterday of almost stroking out with the heat. It was nuts. I needed to do something.”
Her sister and mom started chasing fat people across the bar, fat-shaming in unintelligible Japanese shrieks.
“I think that’s a good idea, yon Botendaddy. This heat is insane, 90’s every day and high humidity is not safe. You should carry water as well.”
“Water. I need one of those Gemel-bak things I guess. But they look so stupid.”
Hiro’s mom came back and whispered in my ear: “You meet me in men’s room I perform top fellatio everything you want, devil, me fuckee, me suckee you Beetus-breath!”
Peace be the Botendaddy