The day started out oddly. There was an accident right in front of me.
It was my 70th Distance race ever.
The pattern held up.
No, I didn’t run an 8 minute first mile.
No, I didn’t break my 2016 running season’s best time of 29:27.
The first third of a mile was all uphill. Horrible.
I started very fast, almost in a full sprint. I fought very hard up the hill just to end up with an 8:59 first mile, followed by a precisely on the APFT standard for age of 19:54.
There actually was a high school track team in the race, which explained my atrocious finish.
Once again I faded very badly in the third mile.
I tried drinking a Muscle Milk™ and a BAI Coconut before the race.
I walked about 2.5 miles earlier in the day. I had lifted the night before from 10 until almost midnight.
I didn’t think I was tired, but it was an uphill start, 84 degrees and humid.
A fair number of people passed me in the last half-mile of the race. One young guy passed me I could not catch up, he finished only six seconds ahead of me. I did have a kick, but I had to lean hard forward to do it.
It was a fast crowd. Had I run my 2016 best ever time I would have been only 12 places up. Oh well.
The CEO was there. I almost didn’t notice her. I staggered to a bench to drink a water and she was already there sitting beside me.
“Hi CEO, I didn’t know you were here! It’s actually good to see you.”
She sipped her water and looked straight ahead.
“Nasty, humid weather you know. I live not that far from here, that’s why I’m here, I drove up from Wheeling. Don’t you overheat in that massive adult diaper?”
I looked over at her. She was sweating profusely.
“No I hardly notice it anymore. You have an awesome body, CEO. Is it all diet or diet and exercise?”
“I do treadmill every single day even on days when I run outdoors.”
“I also diet, but I don’t count calories. I just eat healthy. I’ve missed you dear Botendaddy. You aren’t the idiot you claim to be are you?”
I figured she would be on to my mind-rapes eventually.
“No, maybe I’m just me. You know I count calories. 1,500 a day and I never offset my exercise calories against them. I’ve been on a long plateau, dancing between 208 and 213 for a week or two. I hope I haven’t bottomed out.”
She looked over at me for a long second, then she looked straight ahead sipping her water.
“I miss you when I don’t see you. I hate that the writer’s workshop has adjourned for the summer. It bothers me that you f#ck everyone else there. I’ve never been needy, but I think we are right for each other. Why play this stupid game? Move to Wheeling, marry me. We could be good together. We could be like a respected professional Tri-State society couple. You’re no amateur. You are full of sh&t with the modest talk. You are a partial blue-blood. I’m no Annabel Lee, but maybe that kind of love is once in a lifetime anyway, you know.”
She avoided eye contact. She was actually a very attractive Blondie.
“I did a full lower-body workout last night: Squat, dead-lift, barbell Calf-Raise, Leg Extension, Leg Curl and 45 degree press. I forgot to do my sit-ups, though.”
“Let’s go have dinner and then make love to me. I need it. You owe me. I’ve earned it. I need your massive, gargantuan enormity inside me. It’s hard to be neglected physically, if you know what I mean. What I’m saying, is fill me to the brim with your spermatozoa. I’m a woman, you’re a sort-of-man. Do your f*cking job.”
Peace be the Botendaddy