Kalajainen Klassic 5K: New Castle, PA Race Number 70!

The day started out oddly. There was an accident right in front of me.

Bus vs. SUV

Bus vs. SUV

It was my 70th Distance race ever.

The pattern held up.

No, I didn’t run an 8 minute first mile.

No, I didn’t break my 2016 running season’s best time of 29:27.


Registration gazebo

The first third of a mile was all uphill. Horrible.

I started very fast, almost in a full sprint. I fought very hard up the hill just to end up with an 8:59 first mile, followed by a precisely on the APFT standard for age of 19:54.

There actually was a high school track team in the race, which explained my atrocious finish.

Once again I faded very badly in the third mile.

I tried drinking a Muscle Milk™ and a BAI Coconut before the race.


Runners, Bold like King Leonidas

I walked about 2.5 miles earlier in the day. I had lifted the night before from 10 until almost midnight.

I didn’t think I was tired, but it was an uphill start, 84 degrees and humid.

A fair number of people passed me in the last half-mile of the race. One young guy passed me I could not catch up, he finished only six seconds ahead of me. I did have a kick, but I had to lean hard forward to do it.

It was a fast crowd. Had I run my 2016 best ever time I would have been only 12 places up. Oh well.

The CEO was there. I almost didn’t notice her. I staggered to a bench to drink a water and she was already there sitting beside me.

The parkThe park

“Hi CEO, I didn’t know you were here! It’s actually good to see you.”

She sipped her water and looked straight ahead.

“Nasty, humid weather you know. I live not that far from here, that’s why I’m here, I drove up from Wheeling. Don’t you overheat in that massive adult diaper?”

I looked over at her. She was sweating profusely.

“No I hardly notice it anymore. You have an awesome body, CEO. Is it all diet or diet and exercise?”

“I do treadmill every single day even on days when I run outdoors.”



The footbridge

The footbridge

“I also diet, but I don’t count calories. I just eat healthy. I’ve missed you dear Botendaddy. You aren’t the idiot you claim to be are you?”

I figured she would be on to my mind-rapes eventually.

“No, maybe I’m just me. You know I count calories. 1,500 a day and I never offset my exercise calories against them. I’ve been on a long plateau, dancing between 208 and 213 for a week or two. I hope I haven’t bottomed out.”

She looked over at me for a long second, then she looked straight ahead sipping her water.

“I miss you when I don’t see you. I hate that the writer’s workshop has adjourned for the summer. It bothers me that you f#ck everyone else there. I’ve never been needy, but I think we are right for each other. Why play this stupid game? Move to Wheeling, marry me. We could be good together. We could be like a respected professional Tri-State society couple. You’re no amateur. You are full of sh&t with the modest talk. You are a partial blue-blood. I’m no Annabel Lee, but maybe that kind of love is once in a lifetime anyway, you know.”

She avoided eye contact. She was actually a very attractive Blondie.

“I did a full lower-body workout last night: Squat, dead-lift, barbell Calf-Raise, Leg Extension, Leg Curl and 45 degree press. I forgot to do my sit-ups, though.”

“Let’s go have dinner and then make love to me. I need it. You owe me. I’ve earned it. I need your massive, gargantuan enormity inside me. It’s hard to be neglected physically, if you know what I mean. What I’m saying, is fill me to the brim with your spermatozoa. I’m a woman, you’re a sort-of-man. Do your f*cking job.”


Peace be the Botendaddy


About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
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