Breakthrough! The McDonald Charity McRun 5k

30:15!

I was only 21 seconds from my fastest 5k since 2005.

The registration shed

The registration shed

Thus, it was my fastest 5k since November 7, 2008 on Tallil Base in Iraq.

Sadlty, I was still barely in the top third, I’m like WTH?

At any rate, It was a small crowd, but a good run.

The location was tucked in way West not far from the West Virginia Line.

The park

The park

There was a 4th of July fair being set up.

The organizers were nice, we got not one but TWO race shirts: Awesome. We finally got a decent grab bag of cool free stuff. (Hear that?… cheapskate organizers of other, sadder races?)

So it was cool out. I chatted with a couple of nice female persons, actually more than few. Lots of ladies, running by themselves – awesome.

The town of McDonald

The town of McDonald

My expectations were low after the disaster two weeks ago and the slow-mo 5k in Asbury park, New Jersey.

Conditions were perfect: cool, dry, no wind hard surface rail trail.

I did wear my massive adult diaper the entire race this time to avoid what happened two weeks ago. But no-one ever notices, and only a true weirdo would ever care. Fortunately, I had an enormous bowel movement just prior to the race, so I didn’t have to ‘go’ during the race, although I may have urinated uncontrollably just before crossing the finish line.

The start line

The start line

First mile: 9:42, not great, but good. Nowhere close to my fluky 8:26 in New York. Second mile 19:39, more than enough to pass the old Army PT Test for the two mile run. Third mile, 29:47! Then my 5k time 30:18!

I was pacing against a group of three women. They were literally right in front of me for the first 2-1/2k to the turnaround point. Around the 3k mark, I ran the one young lady into the ground. In times past I never would have caught her. She was running in a short running skirt **HOT**.

Then at about the 4k mark, a young lady went flying past me. We chatted for a minute, I said ‘good run!’ and she took off. I saw her, but I couldn’t catch her.  Married, so I’m not saying *hot*, let’s go with *nice*.

image

Runners at your mark

There were two very fit women *hot*hot* a little but younger than I, who were part of the group right in front of me. I was 100-150 yards behind them the entire way. I just couldn’t catch them.

Lots of good signs. I was able to sprint pretty hard about the first 200 yards. I’m still not able to go full-bore the first quarter-mile. I also never lost my pace. I ran almost as fast as I wanted to. I could have run quicker, but I’m not used to weighing only 217 pounds (at 6’2-1/2″ that’s not terrible, Voat-FPH people. I also ran a dead on, balls of the feet run the entire last half-mile. Just not enough to break 30 minutes.

The truth is, when I’m sitting down or reclining, even at roughly 220 pounds, I still don;t look lean, too much moobage, but the stomach is almost all gone. So, I need to cut my body-fat…a lot still. I need that last three inches off of my waist and chest to look acceptable. Not lean, just acceptable. the Voat lady was right, sadly. I’m not there yet. Overweight BMI is still just that: overweight.

I have broken through, I know I can run a 30:00, but is it that impressive? Not really, it’s a 9:44 mile pace. The insurance companies claim they will give you a discount if you can run an eight-minute mile. That’s a 24:51 5k, close to my all-time best. I have a lot of work to do. I came all this way just to see the real peak of the mountain.

Yes I’ve now:

  1. Lost 67 pounds, 63 this year alone.
  2. Body-fat at 17%, better than 30%.
  3. Waist at 37″ down from 49.
  4. 5k  (I’ve almost met my end of summer 5k goal of 30:00!)
  5. Gone from BMI of very Obese (284#) to a BMI of overweight (217# almost middle of the 200-229 overweight category for my height)

My goals are still:

  1. Total weight loss of 88 pounds
  2. Waist size of 33-1/2″
  3. 5k at 26:59 by December 31
  4. Body-fat % under 15%
  5. BMI of normal (196#)
  6. Dunk a basketball (right-handed)
A bold runner crosses

A bold runner crosses

At any rate, I was going back to my car when I met the Professor.

“Nice run, yon Botendaddy. You almost broke 30:00 ! Just 19 seconds short. I only really saw one person pass you after the first four hundred yards. You beat all the stroller moms, you beat most of the elders and beat all but one of the pleasingly plump runners. I think you’re on the edge of recovering lost glory. You run that damn 24:20 again like you did back in 2005 and you’ll be in the top 20% every race.”

The fairgrounds

The fairgrounds

“Thanks professor. I really believe if I can get down to good BMI at 196 I will crush 24:00. That’s 21 pounds that’s like 10% of my remaining body-weight. Hell Ibwas running 5k’s in 46-49 minutes last year now I’m at 30 flat. I think the longer distance and hill training is the difference. Losing weight has its limitations for running faster.”

“It’s none of my business but what’s with the obvious enormous adult diaper? Doesn’t it chafe? Don’t you overheat? Doesn’t it slow you down? Aren’t you embarrassed? You should see a doctor. I think you need to change that thing and for god’s sake take a shower at my place before you f&$k me.”

“Yes it’s called spinal surgery for spinal damage at L-5 and S-1. Doctors did nothing except tell me that it’s better than being paralyzed. It doesn’t chafe at all. I don’t even notice it while I’m running. I don’t need to worry about uncontrollable bodily functions while I’m running a race and it obviously doesn’t slow me down. And after going through 3-7 diapers every day for the past seven years, I’ve moved beyond embarrassment, because nobody really cares either way. But everything else works as advertised, as you well know, you filthy old simka!”

“Botendaddy, you dirty pig. Please bring me down to your level. I so love it.”

“Hazelnut dark roast?”

Peace be the Botendaddy

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About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
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