It was a good run. Not great. Under 10 minute first mile, almost 20 minute two mile then 32:56 for the 5k distance.
It was hot in the sun, but cool under the trees. I suppose I could have hit the trail harder. Of course, the stinking crappy Map My Run App ‘paused’ again. But I was smart this time. I set my watch to noon by the second. So when the damned shitty thing crapped out I had the correct time. Thus ever to technology.
I was joined at the two-mile mark by the Punker Model Writer Chick.
“I thought you were dead O’ yon Botendaddy. Just when you had become beautiful. Your body is lean, muscular, tanned and awesome. There are people like way younger than you with much shittier bodies. You’re like Dorian Gray or something. Your skin is perfect. Why do you still have so much hair? Did you sell your soul to the devil??”
We ran across the old train bridge. It was about 80 degrees. I was able to keep a fast pace, but I would have been happier had it been a bit faster.
“I can’t seem to break out. I’ve run a sub 32 minute 5k on the trail. I ran an 8:26 first mile in Battery Park. But I can’t break 33 minutes in a real race. What am I doing wrong PMWC, you ran high school cross-country in NYC, right?”
I kept the pace up, my three mile time was sub 32 not bad, not great.
“I think three things my Botendaddy:
First, you don’t run enough distance. If you only ever run 3.11 miles, you’ll never have stamina at the end of a 5k, so start running four miles at least, occasionally five or six.
Second, train for speed. Try a full sprint the last 220 yards before each mile mark, run it hard, up on the balls of the feet.
Third, you got thin, but you lost a lot of muscle. You were freakishly strong before, but you don’t have the strength. You need more protein, maybe less fiber.”
I hit the 5k mark and we stopped.
“Botendaddy. I need your spermatozoa. All of it. It’s mine. I need to be filled with it. I need it dripping out of me. I need to be soaked with your creepy old-man-fluids. I need to marked as your woman. Too bad I’m on the goddamned pill. I want to have your baby. I deserve to be your wife, not those other shitty whores. Right now, get in my van and make love to me. I’m a twenty year old woman. When I need it, I need it bad, it’s a physiological imperative. You got me worked up. You owe me, you disgusting, creepy, undead, crypt-keeper.”
Peace be the Botendaddy