Interview with the Botendaddy

“Botendaddy, you are only four pounds from your original goal of losing 61 pounds. You wished, as I see in my notes, to lose 61 pounds and achieve your old Army weight of 223.”


The Apartment of the Vampire

I was in the Botendaddy’s top-story apartment in an old San Francisco three-story. He was variously crawling across the ceiling, not appearing in mirrors, or laughing in the majestic Hollywood vampire style.

“Well, I wanted to reach my old Army max weight of 223, but now I realize that this is not enough. At 223, my BMI is 24 pounds into overweight, my body fat is above 20% and my waist 38”.


The Street of the Vampire

I saw the Botendaddy standing in front of me in his cliche cloak, but his shadow moved menacingly along the wall.

“So, what now? Any changes to the diet?”

I asked the evil spectre as he circled around me.

“Yes actually, the buff GNC guy said that I should raise my protein dramatically, cut some of my sugar calories and replace the bad calories with protein like salmon or tuna. Then I will continue on to a body weight of 199 pounds and a BMI of ‘good’.”

The next thing I knew the Botendaddy hypnotized me, and grabbed from behind and he was just about to sink his long, savage fangs into my throat.

“I will give you the choice that I never had!…to have low BMI or healthy BMI. CHOOSE!”


The Highway of the Vampire

I was almost at the point of death, my blood nearly drained from my corporeal, ethereal being.

“I must ask…did he recommend drinking more water and cutting fatty foods as well?”

The Botendaddy was now driving my 65 Mustang along an unusually deserted highway at night, his 18th century garb flapping in the wind…and he was driving poorly!”


“Why yes, I remember it distinctly. He said. Cut the fat intake in your foods, drink a gallon of water a day and try creatine for weight training strength.”

Peace be the Botendaddy


About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
This entry was posted in Critic's Corner, Exercise, Food and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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