The Playworks Race To Reduce Bullying 5k

Nice crowd.

Nice cause.

Nice people.

Awesome location at water’s edge by Battery Park.

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Battery Park

The distance may have been a little long per everyone’s GPS, but I’ll have to take a Map my Run hand measurement later.

Part ofthe issue is the bounce of the GPS signal deflecting off of the tall buildings in Manhattan and Jersey City. Also the  extremely high volume of electronic signals, maybe the highest in the world may cause interference.

One hot broad measured it at 3.53, another smoking dame measured it at 3.43. I had 3.83. If we average and then weight the two lowest we get around 3.60. Their husbands said to me ‘O yon Botendaddy spare my wife from your evil ahittyhitty charms!’ Of course I acquiesced.

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The registration desks

My first mile was a blistering unprecedented 8:26. My two mile time was 17:49. My three mile time was 28:18. My 5k time clocked at 29:20, one of my fastest ever.

The shirt was awesome. I was pacing against two people who looked to be Pacific Islander in origin. They were either brother and sister or a lovely couple. Very kind people. They were incredibly strong and they ran away from me around 2.7 miles. I could see them but I couldn’t catch them.

Note to Voat FPH people: Pacific Islanders are not skinny and they would kick your ass at about anything athletic. Anything… so shut the f@&$ up about it.

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The runners

Speaking of which, the Voaty girl ran at a blistering pace. I kept up with her for the first mile. That’s about it. I have no idea where she went after the race ended. She is now lost in New York City. While she’s not here may I see that the New York women are among the most beautiful I’ve ever seen in any race I’ve been in. Awesome bodies, pretty faces, *hot*!

As we started the race, she began to spew hateful blather.

“You know, you fat Lardvaark Obeast. There’s a lot of fit people in New York City. I’m here at least once a month. Look at this crowd, all shitlords and shitladys. You are a lumbering Hamplanet. Ooh I’m the Botendaddy! I weigh 229! I’m not BMI obese anymore. Look at my tanned muscularity. Ooh I f&$ked the hardbodied Voat girl every which way but loose. Ooh I dominated her and I contaminated her with my precious bodily fluids. I say then so what? You’re still a disgusting fatlogic, HAES ham. So what if I want to be utterly submissive to your massive, fat, sweaty, undulating body all over my female perfection? Maybe I like slumming?”

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The finish

I literally ran as fast as I can. I was desperate to run under a nine minute mile, and I did! I also crushed the Army PT run standard for a much younger person. By the way, even an eleven minute mile is a full on dead run. A nine minute mile is super fast near sprint. So 8:26 blew my dead wheels off. My two mile time was insane and my three mile time was smokin’ at a sub ten minute pace.

I saw her later at the Carnegie Deli. This was my massive cheat, seven months in the planning. Approximately 400 calories in Pastrami and two bites of cheesecake with water to drink. Total damage? About 650 calories. That’s it. I did not eat the rye.

“Listen, remember I told you that walking was the key to losing weight? Well in Washington D.C. Yesterday, I had 13,500 steps walked. In NYC, including this race, if I look forward in the future to this evening when I’m writing this part, I will have 27,500 steps. That’s 40,000 steps in two days. If you really want to lose weight by exercise, IF YOU STICK TO YOUR CALORIE COUNT, you have to walk well over 10,000 steps a day. I’ve run a calorie undercount of over 30,000 calories in 25 days due to walking and running.”

“You ranch-dressing, potato chip eating, pool-defecating, matress diarrhea-ing (she threw in every recent Voat FPH story here) Landwalrus, deathfat. Look at this Beetus! So what if you made it down to the Overweight range! I hate you! Let’s go back to my hotel and make fabulous love, shitlady and the beast. You see… most women detest you with every fiber of their being. You are horrifically repulsive, but when a woman sets her desire on a man, a kind of madness, a need, an ancient yearning sets in. I am madly, passionately, hopelessly in deep romantic, early 19th century love with you. I need you to fill me to utter capacity with your muscular, undulating masculine love or I will surely actually die. And, while we are in the full throes of the romantic act, you will pledge your undying, eternal love for me or I will rip your still-beating, hideous black heart from your tanned, pectoral-stoked chest.”

“Latte?”

Peace be the Botendaddy

 

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About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
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