“Snapshots don’t really show you anything. I just took monthly averages from my 5k times chart-book and I have improved those average 5k times dramatically. Starting from averages in the low 40s in January, to averages in the high 30s in March, and now I’m averaging mid 30’s. I really believe that if I get my weight down to 215, The 30 minute 5k will be possible.” I said to Hiroyuki as I did hamstring stretches.
The librarian was on the corner mat at the Yoga studio. Her yoga pants were super-tight so you could clearly see the outline of her enormous adult diaper.
The entire workshop was there for an evening Yoga zen session. “My god, Botendaddy you look so lean now. You’re a huge dude, at 215 you’ll look too thin.” The librarian stated, staring at the muscular, tanned, erotic Botendaddy.
“Oh my god, 6’2″ plus and 215 what a disgusting Beetus-juice drinking, fatlogic, Obeast Lardvaark! Your max weight should be like 148!” Said the Voat girl in a haladol monotone as she did ballet stretches.
“Nice of you to bathe and brush your teeth, Voat girl. I’m glad they were able to help you out at your 72 hour psych hold.” Said the stalker, bitterly, doing toe touches.
“Botendaddy, that yoga outfit is the gayest thing I’ve ever seen you wear and I’ve seen you in full Carmen Miranda-Banana-hair drag *hot*!” Said Ramon, while doing quad stretches.
“So what you’re saying is that you’ve knocked ten minutes average off your 5k? That’s incredible!” Said the professor. “By the way, I’m free tonight.” She whispered.
“This hurts. The Botendaddy spanked me so hard the other night, I can barely sit down. What the heck are we doing here anyway?” Said the Carribbean Queen.
The Park Ranger was in a purple Yoga outfit. It was hideous. “Does it matter? We’re lucky to have any friends at all. Has anyone else seen the Botendaddy naked? *hot* *HOT*! His tan is fabulous! His milky white butto…”
The entire group nodded at once to shut him up. Ramon mouthed the word ‘b1tch’ to him.
The punk writer model chick did some amazing ballet stretches and graceful movements to warm up. Everyone was staring at her. “OK, I had talent once, so sue me. You carnival sideshow freaks.”
“I don’t think the yogi is coming today.” Said Hiroyuki. “WTF are we supposed to do now?”
“Listen people. If you are consistent in running, lifting and dieting, time is your friend. It all adds up to faster running, better health, lower weight. Patience and consistency are the keys. Don’t despair because you had a bad week, it’s just a little blip in a very good long term improvement.
Ramon leaned back. “Botendaddy, you are, and I am Argentine so my word is like pure Silver, the sexiest man alive. I am madly in love with you.”
“Do you know how much money I could be making if I didn’t waste time with you pathetic ne’er do wells? I only come here so I can get man handled by that pervo Botendaddy. What the hell is this all anyway? He’s not a goddamned time-share.” Drawled the CEO.
“He’s pretty hot for a fatty, ham-planet, lardbeast, Scooty-puff rider, I’ll say.” Added the Voat girl.
“I loved him first, you goddamned mutant misfits.” Barked the stalker.
Unbeknownst to us, the aged, stoic, kind, spiritual Yogi stood outside the rec room.
“I can’t go in. I can’t do it. They are such f@&cking idiots.” He muttered to himself banging his head off the wall.
Peace be the Botendaddy