I sat high upon my Sensei Rock in the park above my followers. All were dressed in Hollywood Karate-style gi’s.
“Look, this is the first trip I’ve ever taken just to run in a race and none of you are going to join me?”
The Park Ranger spoke up first. “I think we look great. Isn’t it cool to dress up?”
“Yeah it’s like cosplay!” Shouted Hiroyuki enthusiastically.
“Oh shut up, only you would love this shit.” Said the stalker.
Hiroyuki squared herself to the stalker blowing a lock of hair from her mouth before speaking.
“Oh so Japanese culture is shit? F&$k you, round eye ghost face devil b7tch. I’ll uweyuki yakazuki your dumb ass. (whitey)”
I thought I heard her mutter ‘whitey’ under her breath.
“Stop it. What the hell?, people… lets not get into the hate. I’m Carribbean and I think it’s fun.” Said the Carribbean Queen.
“Come on people, you’re f&$king up my Feng Shui.” I said.
“That’s Chinese, you fat moron. Why did I let you f@&k me half to death? I must have no self respect. Pig. By the way, I’m free tonight… My new boyfriend is lame. I love him, but he can’t do those weird things that you do to me.”
Ramon spoke up. “Botendaddy is hanging out with me and the Park Ranger tonight. Why should you icky girls always get him? You know Park Ranger never got his gig in the Poconos. Red tape. Something about the PA Department of Agriculture. Plus, his new boyfriend was such a b7tch.”
“Ramon, you’re rambling.” Said the CEO. “Aren’t we doing Karate?”
“Look people, I’m running in the ‘Race to Reduce Bullying 5k’ at Battery Park City, in Manhattan, New York on June 11th at 9:00AM. Registration starts at around 7:30AM.
Then on Tuesday June 14th, at 6:30PM, the Asbury Park, New Jersey ‘5 Alarm 5k’, registration starts around 4:30PM on the Boardwalk near 5th and Ocean by the Convention Center.
I don’t think any of my New York/Jersey metro readers are going to join me, though. I’m disappointed.”
“Asbury Park is one of the gayest towns in New Jersey, O’ yon Botendaddy? Are you trying to tell us something? *hot*” Asked Ramon.
“I would like to know how I am going to convince any of my readers to join me on these runs if my own team won’t join me.”
The professor adjusted her gi. “Look Botendaddy, we love you each in our own weird way, but travel to New York to run with you? F@&k you, fatty!”
“Speaking of which, Ramon and I are both extreme tops. We would explore you for hours, dear Botendaddy, hours, we would do everything to you that you’ve been doing to these poor, icky girls until you were rendered sloppy, stretched, slathered in sticky reproductive fluids and man musk.”
Said the Park Ranger. Ramon then raised his hand.
“Ah the smell of it! The taste of it! May I speak for the both of us, that we are madly, passionately, deeply, in wild Latin love with you in the most intrusive, penetrative Ancient Greek man-love way possible, a love whose name may not be spoken! And we demand to explore your every crevice, until you are utterly exhausted, it is our right!” Said Ramon.
I walked in a circle on the rock. Some of the group were yawning. No one was listening to Ramon except the Park Ranger. The PMWC was picking her nose. The CEO was snoring on her side curled up in a ball. The CQ was flat on her back asleep.
“Look, two races. Be there.”
“I’ll be there, you Obeast, fat-logic, hippo, Hamplanet, Lardvaark!” Shouted Voat-girl.
“No. That’s OK, really, thank you, but no, anyone else? Anyone? Anyone?”
Peace be the Botendaddy