Dear, delicious, fetchingly beautiful, voluptuous readers. Having now lost three and forty livres, net weight, I must address all of you in this hallowed place.
My brow adorned with Laurels of Oak Leaves like the ancients poets of the Classical Age. Know that I have a hopeless, deep, adoring, passionate, sensual, profound, abiding 19th Century Tragic-Romantic love for all of my readers.
I may have been sorely remiss in thanking all of you for your hallowed and ancient ‘likes’ and ‘follows’ as was customary back in the early 19th Century, when good ladies and gentlemen were forced to surf the internet by candlelight.
I find all of your early antediluvian romantic,websites to be utterly delightful and informative. Your sites are brimming with ancient wisdom, rivaled not merely by Locke, Hume, delicious Plato or venerable Socrates himself!
The delectable, ravishing, alluring, shapely charm of your forms as depicted in your sepia-toned photo-gravures and daguerreotypes is so breath-taking that mere words of the poet cannot describe such sensual visions of loveliness. O’ Venus! O’ Aphrodite! Ye glorious goddesses of the venerable antebellum web!
And ye bold young men! Like bold King Leonidas. Ye who ‘followe’ and ‘Lyke ‘ the Botendaddy, as did the revered ancient Greeks tending to their stone-framed laptops in ancient Amphitheaters of the archaic, prehistoric web.
Ye who tap away on your ornate cherry-wood computers with steam-driven operating systems. Ye gentlemen and your heroic, heraldic, Napoleonic form and visage! O’ Aries! O’ Zeus! O’ Horatio! Your wise advice is likened only unto Newton, Kant and Mill, yea even wise Cicero!
I shall keep you informed of my physical-culturist enadeavors as I run in Olde Newe Yorke (NOVA EBORAC!) and Olde Newe Jersey in June.
Until such time, my deepest expression of vaunted, effusive praise has exhausted my spirit. If I may so trouble you, will but graciously allow me to take your leave.
Please, dear, distinguished, delicious lady and muscular gentleman readers, please kindly agree to accept this, the most profound expression of my deepest and most affectionate sentiments.
Your humblest servant,
Pax Boten-Pater in cymbam