I sat with the Librarian on the little bench at the end of the trail. I had just run 5k on the trail in the deep woods. I ran a sub 10 minute mile on the upgrade, I did OK on the second mile, but I had a total power outage and faded badly on mile three. It was warm, 81 degrees, but why was I so weak?”
“I’ve lost 43 pounds why in the heck am I fading so fast after the first mile? Why am I not running sub 9:00 miles every time I run?”
The librarian looked straight ahead.
“Do you see all these happy couples on the trail? Especially the older ones. I love old love. It’s beautiful. Put your arm around me right now and pull me close or I swear to god I’ll go crazy and just rip your throat out with my teeth.”
I obliged. She looked unusually unbalanced today after our run. Well she ran far ahead of me.
“I figured it out. I initially lost 40 pounds off my bench press. I was doing repetitions with 225 easy when I was fat, now I’m fighting with 185. I’ve lost a lot of muscle. Same with my legs, the strength is gone from losing so much weight. Yes I’m lighter, but I’ve lost pulling power. I have to wait for my strength to come back.”
“Botendaddy you are only 18 pounds from your goal weight. You look great, lean, it’s a transformation. I can see your psychotic green eyes better.”
“Thanks crazy psycho librarian broad. You are still hot as f&$@ing b@&lls. Your body is amazing. You are one good looking lady too.”
“Shut up you g$dammned Sasquatch you over-stretched Quasimodo. It’s embarrassing. My god how I’ve fallen. I had the finest men in the world after me. This is such a fall for me.”
“I know. I’m the end of the road for most women.” I said, caressing her neck and back.
“I think you look good, you disgusting, creepy, aged, *red-hot*, repulsive, slimy, Franken-freak. Why did I let you touch me? Why did I let you become so intimate with my precious person? Now I feel contaminated like Chernobyl or Fukushima. You slimed and penetrated every innocent crevice of my person.”
I tried to ignore her, but she nestled closer to me, licked my face and clutched me around the waist with a psychotic-strength vise grip.
“No-one has every man-handled, impaled and devoured me like that. I feel so dirty, so marked. Your massive, sweaty, stinky body undulating, panting, grinding, crushing me, I can still feel it! I’m so ashamed of myself. You spanked me until I cried. How dare you! So you have no respect for me at all? How can I ever feel pride in myself again? I’m in new territory now. I should just wear a t-shirt that says I’m Botendaddy’s slave-b!tch-f$ck-wench. What real, normal man would ever want me now? I should become a shitty bag lady.”
The more she groped me, the more difficult it became for me to maintain any sense of decorum. She was obviously insane.
“Thanks for the compliments. You know, a wonderful woman loved me once. I think the solution is for me to eat more protein, like tuna and salmon. And, I need to run steep hills, do heavier lower body lifting, squats, leg presses, to build up the leg power.”
“Shut your stupid f$cking pie-hole and kiss me now, touch me… you idiotic freak or I swear in the name of all that is holy that I’ll tear off my sweaty panties and strangle you with them until your shitty eyes pop out of your sickening, deformed monster-face.”
Peace be the Botendaddy