Average 5k Run in 80 Degree Humidity

The garish, savage, muscular, evil sun beat down on me as I ran. I don’t like running in the heat, but it’s easier on the joints, albeit harder on the lungs.

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Hard surface road

The hard surface of the Eastern part of the trail savaged my rotting knees. I should have run West, but I just had to explore the other end of the trail. It was high noon and the trail was very crowded with walkers, moms pushing perambulators and cyclists, but strangely, no other runners.

Damned if this 5k run wasn’t uphill the entire 2.5k on the way to the turnaround point. It’s a geographical oddity, uphill both ways.

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The Ohio border

At any rate, by the time I returned to the parking lot, I was hot and tired. I had run hard, but my splits were lackluster, despite my being a few pounds lighter yet again.

The stinking MapMyRun app stalled out again at a crucial time as usual. I think it happened when I stopped to tie my shoe. I lost 15 seconds, easy, plus the amount of time where I didn’t realize that the app had ‘paused’. I’m just going to start noting my start time as a backup, so I always will know my total time in case of another undesired ‘pause’.

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Emergency escape route

As I was gasping for oxygenated blood in the withering, cruel heat, the Stalker was there! She must have been behind me the entire time on the trail, silently tracking me like a shitty, creepy she-wolf. She stood with her hands on her hips, her pretty face contorted in feminine rage.

‘So Race Team 2000? What a crock of stupid $hit. You are truly a moron, diaper-boy. You know why I am here Botendaddy.’

I was still bent over trying to catch my breath.

‘Do tell my dear, I know you will anyway.’

Big muscle

Big muscle

You fuc&$@d the mentally ill punker chick, you fu#%€d that miserable librarian twat. And I don’t even want to know what happened with Ramon. I bet that infantile idiot Japanese cu&$ gets the next slice of slobbering Botendaddy. Enough is enough. Those undeserving bitc@&$. Those dirty, yeast-infected, fish-smelling woman-beasts. God, I hate them. You belonged to me first!  It’s my turn to sample your legendary love-making acumen.’

I was finally able to stand up straight.

‘Look, crazy, yet remarkably hot stalker girl, I’ve learned that if you consistently watch your calorie limit and you walk every day that you don’t run, you can conquer any dieting plateau. It’s persistence. It’s a long-term thing.’

She wore a halter top that barely covered her super-firm breasts while exposing her muscular, tanned,  bare, sweaty, girly midriff.

‘Botendaddy. I am a very successful woman and yes, I am persistent. Persistent in my pursuit of the most horrifically, hideous man I have ever seen. Now you are going to fu@& me until I pass out from ecstasy, if you want me on Race Team 2000.’

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The stalker’s limo

‘Fair enough. You are an essential character for our team. I will finally make a proper woman out of you you shitty, crazy sea-wench. I’m going to work you over until you never want to come near me again.’

She invited me into her limo. It was amazing inside. It was fully equipped. But I had to tell her…

‘Look, never run on a hard surface if you can avoid it. Save that for the actual race. If you have a soft alternative, then do it. You see, if I had run Westbound on this same trail? All soft surface. Now my knees are killing me.’

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Erotic sunset photo

She stripped down to her birthday suit, pressing her magnificent, sweaty, milky-white, firm, 29’ish, tasty, scented breasts into my face.

‘Enough with your stupid running advice. Let’s get down to business, fatty. I am madly, passionately, hopelessly in deep romantic love with you. I want to have your child. I want you to put a collar on me and lead me around like a dirty dog. Take off your massive adult diaper and show me what you’ve got, you shitty, smelly, ancient Sasquatch, you hideous, ominous, muscular, hairy, undead Frankenstein, you H.P. Lovecraft night-terror. Although God knows you don’t deserve this, I’ll try to keep up, I will try to serve you, to be your love slave, do you want this boddee? Do you want this boddee?’

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I violently slapped her firm bottom with a muscular, resounding crack to get her to shut up. She yelped loudly, then I spanked her until she wept with ecstasy, wallowing her own delicious degradation at the hands of the muscular, wise and yea beautiful Botendaddy. I moved my rotting, foul-smelling, macabre, undead, ethereal, other-worldly, reeking carcass towards her nubile, lithe, quivering, glistening body.

‘Oh Botendaddy! OH BOTENDADDY!’

{CENSORED, BY RULING OF THE PA DEPT OF AGRICULTURE, BY ORDER OF THE COURT OF QUARTER SESSIONS, PER CURIAM, SITTING AT BLACK LICK, INDIANA COUNTY, 3 OCTOBER 1921, FOR EXCESSIVE PRURIENT FILTH PER PA CONS STAT 61-141(a)-12 24 FEB 1878}

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About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
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